Killing cliche's as fast as you invent them.

“Don’t Walk Away”

If you go, I won’t forget you girl
Can’t you see that you will always be
Even though I had to let you go
There’ nothing left to do
Don’t walk away

—-

ignore the fact that is technically a love song.

my mom is being evicted. She told me some story about how her landlord/boss got a DUI and so he needs the apartment so he’s closer to the resteraunt so his wife doesn’t have to drive him.

who knows if it’s true.

so she has until the end of this month (July) to move out.

and yet…she wants to go to the Dot Dot Dot concert on sunday.

right. because Having fun and not acting your age > responsibilities.

I’ve come to the sad conclusion I do not have a mother.

and after I wrote that I cried a little bit.

You would think, after all the joking, all the trying to push it off, I’d be able to write that without turning into a mess.

Actually, you wouldn’t think that would you?

It burns so much, to come to that realization that’s been burning in me…even when I was little. But when I was little I still had that glimmer of hope.

I used to pray, and wish on every star, that my parents would get back together. It consumed me. I wanted nothing more. 

She was never a mother to me, but I still wanted it. I wanted a mother, to see what it feels like.

I still don’t.

I never will.

I have plenty of women who can answer my questions.

But it’s different.

They’re very close friends.

But they’re not mom.

It’s aggravating, and to the point to where when I come home from her house my dad has tylenol waiting for me. I hate going there. For one thing, I never spend time with her really. Instead I’m stuck with awkward silences and words with Tom whom I really loath. Instead I’m stuck with my brothers who, when I attempt to discipline, seeing as no one else does effectively, or at all, I get the crap.

Example: I was in the bathroom, my phone was in the living room. My phone rang and my brother (S, the younger one who is FIVE and should know better) took it (and granted, was trying to be helpful but still) BARGED INTO THE BATHROOM. No knocking, no nothing. In shock, I grabbed my phone and slammed the door, accidentally smashing his fingers in the door.

Now, I did not MEAN to do that. It was on pure shock. Anyone would’ve reacted if you were a 16-year old girl and your five year old brother is barging into the bathroom.
My mom: “Sara, he was just trying to HELP you.”

I get no privacy in that house.

I tried changing one day and my almost 7-year old brother did not want to leave the room.

I can remeber another instance where the two were jumping around on couches, and my mother and Tom were trying to figure out some stupid entertainment center. So I told my brothers to knock it off and sit down.
And I know I heard Tom yell at ME, “That’s enough Sara!”

Well, I’m so fucking sorry, that YOU can’t fucking raise your kids.

FUCK YOU.

I don’t hate that man, but he is childish, immature, and so so so lost.

I hate being AROUND him.

but anyway…

my mother.

I can’t even bear to call her MOTHER anymore. Let alone mom. in my mind, she is “T”

Always making excuses, drudging up the past.

I just nod my head, “yeah. uh huh.” attempting and usually getting it pushed aside when I try to defend whatever (usually my dad.).

yet, she does not feel anything is wrong.

she feels infact, as tho things have IMPROVED.

Case in point, she was talking to Rose in DDD, and said how much the band brought her and I together.

It hasn’t.

It reminds me of the fact that this is a woman who nearing 40 and desperatly wants to be 20.

Which makes me think that the whole reason she tried so desperatly hard to win me back over is because she realized that she is getting older and so am I.

And maybe that doesn’t sound bad too you.

But it makes me feel used. Like I am nothing more then a prop, or a mannequin for my mom to use and talk too.

and what makes it more alarming for me is that…

I cannot have my mother in my life for the life I have planned.

I want to be famous, I want to be an actress.

All those hollywood horror stories about parents?

My mother point blank.

She would be crawling up my ASS.

Because, she went through labor= a mansion, money, etc.

If you were to ask her that (or rather if I asked her.) she would get furious and go, “NO, of course not.”

But all I ever hear about from my mother is what she would do if she ever won the lottery.

and sometimes she’ll turn to me smiling, and say, “And when you hit it rich you’ll get me a mansion right?” to which I awkwardly reply with, “yeah sure.”

Stark difference from my dad and I.

“Yeah dad, I’ma buy you a mansion.”

“Dude no, I don’t need that. just buy me a boat and I’m set.”

“You sure?? I mean, I’ma being a lion and an amardillo, I’m sure I can get you like, a hippo.”

“No. Boat’s fine. …wait, a fucking lion? Seriously Selphie? WTH. You’re gonna end up as the crazy cat lady.”

etc.

My dad does not expect anything like that from me.

But my mom has the viewpoint of kids must take care of their parents.

Which, true, I’d do that. I love my dad…

…but he’s the one who’s put the effort, the time, the money, the love into raising me.

My mom has been in and out, barely trying and when she does feebly try it comes off as an attempt that looks like she’s trying to simply buy me.

Which leads me to realize, I cannot have her in my life when I become an actress. I just can’t.

I love my mother.

But I don’t know her.

I don’t know her at all.

The distant memories from my childhood are happy, then filled with sadness each time I realize that it ended with me crying when she dropped me back home, uncertain when we’d next see each other.

It shouldn’t feel like you’re going on a vacation when you’re going to visit your mother.

“And how can I stop losing you
How can I begin to say
When there’s nothing left to do but walk away.”

But, for now, I will continue going to my mothers house (altho I go only for a a day or two at a time.), if only for the brothers I really can’t stand.

But I know there is a time in the future when  I have to walk away from the mother I have never known. Walk away from the charade we both put on. Because that’s all it ever is. Awkward talks about the same things we talk about all the time. like an endless charade. We both know it I think.

but, I’ll have to be the one to walk away. But it won’t be hard. How is it hard to miss something you know nothing of?

I love my mother.

But I don’t know her.

Have I ever? Even as a child I don’t think I knew her. Always elusive and always just out of my grasp.

The memorial for him was today. I watched it live, and even before it started I was having bouts of sobbing.

My dad thinks it’s stupid, that he never did anything to deserve this type of treatment.

But for all the times people have told me, “Selphie, you change people.”, I have to wonder…did they look at Michael?

He spent his life trying to get people to change the world. He spent his life trying to bring happiness to people that needed it.

When he was burned at the Pepsi commercial, he built a fuckin burn unit. He let sick kids into his house to just be kids…even though that ended up being turned on him.

I’m not saying that MJ wasn’t eccentric. He certaintly had his oddities, and his crazy batshitness.

But looking at him now, how can you say he did not try to change the world?

When Duo tells me, “He didn’t do shit, he had two good albums and that was it.” it makes me scared.

I want to be an entertainer. I love acting, it’s what I am. I want to be an entertainer like Michael. Someone who dedicates their life to their craft, and yet still has the time to visit sick people, to bring awareness to the fact there are people dying and dead.

and he didn’t do this shit for publicity like shitheads like Heidi and Spencer fuckfaces. He did it because it is who he is.

So yes, I will gladly cry over Michael Jackson. As someone who is told all the time that I change people, I think I’d know another person like myself if I see one.

and Michael Jackson was one of those people.

Think of his scandals, whathave you, I don’t care.

But in my eyes, he seemed like one of the most sweetest, caring, human I have ever seen.

Make fun of me for crying, I don’t care. But people like that DON’T come around often.

His daughter was in tears, stating he was the best daddy ever.

And I just wish…I just wish that people could really see where I was coming from.

As someone who wants to be the best at what I do, who sees the world as a dark place that needs to be saved….

That’s why I feel close to Michael Jackson.

Even though he was very much like a child, he saw the world for what it was, and he tried so hard to change it. Perhaps even at the expense of his very self.

Michael Jackson, I want to make you proud. I want to change the acting industry just like you changed music. I wish I could’ve known you in this life, but I know we will meet one day. I’m so sorry. But I love you, and I’m happy that you can finally have a sense of peace. Just know that the world is a much better place because of the things you did or attempted to do to make it that way.

I love you. xoxo.

…:\ kk I’m off to go get some tylenol cause my cramping is just driving me batshit crazy.

I barely listened to him. I liked his songs. But I never really you know, listened to them a whole lot.

I was born in the era after his peak, and instead got only to know the crazy freakshow noseless MJ.

But, I’m really…saddened by his death. I’m not surprised, no doubt. I don’t think MJ is a hero, or worthy of any worship.

But I’m sad.

He might’ve been crazy, but he was talented in some ways. And he didn’t deserve to die so tragically.

Anyone who knows me, knows I want to be in show business. It’s what I desire. I sometimes can’t stand to watch movies I love, because I wish so badly *I* was in them, doing what I love - acting. I want to become an icon, like James Dean…like MJ.

but I’m scared to death of that. Because you look at all the people that hollywood has turned into icons, and look at what happens to all of the talented people who go into Hollywood.

They end up dead, half the time, tragically, and Hollywood puts them up even furthur on the pedastal.

It scares me, in more ways then one.

I want to act, I want to become an icon, I want to be known for my talent.

But at what cost? My sanity? My life?

Don’t get me wrong, this is what I want to do in life, risks and all.

But this dark side of Hollywood is scary. People who are ACTUALLY talented, are always the ones to die.

People like, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton…even though they infinite amount of problems, they’re STILL futzing around hollywood, trashing the place up.

Fuck, Lindsay LOHAN should be dead, considering all the crack and alchocol and other countless shit she has done.

But instead you get Michael Jackson, dead  from what is more then likely a overdose from pain medication addiction.

Not a ‘crack’ addiction like all these other little whores in Hollywood.

It pisses me off. MJ certaintly was a lunatic. But why the fuck is HE dead? Why is James Dean dead? Why are all the TALENTED PEOPLE In Hollywod the ones to be given the short end of the stick?

I am so tired of these people in Hollywood, the ones who are famous for nothing, the leeches, being able to live and continue to infect people with their shitastic faces.

Michael Jackson surely was crazy, and washed up.

But he was fucking ten times the person then these famewhoring talentless FUCKFACES that litter Hollywood. That’s why I feel the need to cry over MJ.

I will NEVER NEVER be that.

Fuck you ALL in Hollywood who buy into that shit.

FUCK YOU.

-Selphie.

So Rival and I went to go and see Watchmen on Friday.

Fuckin AMAZING. Jackie Earl Haley’s Rorschach? SPOT-ON. PERFECT RORSCHACH. It made me love Rorschach 10x more. I WANT JEH’S BABIES. okay maybe not, but whatever.

I bawled like a little baby when Rorschach died. Surprised no one told me to shut up. Hell, I was crying just leading UP to it, because I knew what was going to happen! D:

but all in all, I liked the movie a LOT. the changes they made…they worked for the movie. even the ending somewhat.

now, onto a beef I have with the fandom.

There are a lot of people who are saying it earned it’s R rating. Which, is true. there are some violent bits (granted, I didn’t shy away from those. They all made perfect sense as to why they had those scenes, such as the scene where Rorschach kills a child kidnapper. He puts a meat cleaver into his head multiple times as opposed to setting him on fire in the comic book. It showed him truely snapping for the last time.) and yeah, there’s blue penis.  (I didn’t see it really cause lolImblind.) the only thing I went “ew wtfffff lol” was at Dan’s ass.

anyway, I  made a joke of it on the watchdom community, about some girl who wasn’t able to see it cause of her mom, something like, “TOO MUCH MAN-ASS.”

And then some smart ass had to go and put: “No matter how mature you are, at fifteen you still giggle at seeing a swinging penis, or (like a previous poster), some “man ass”, just because it’s there.”

Okay look, even my 20-something uncle laughed at the penis and ass. It’s kind of hard NOT TOO. Everyone was laughing at the ass and the penis.

Doesn’t mean it takes away from the movie. Doesn’t mean the movies gonna mean less to me because I saw Dan’s ass or Manhatten’s penis is flopping around. I made a joke of it and moved on. The rest of the movie had me on the edge of my seat.

Once again, it proves that people really don’t remember what it’s like to be a teenager. We’re not all stupid. We understand things more then you give us credit for. Everyone is saying the penis and sex was unnecessary. I just laughed and moved on. That wasn’t even one of my gripes about the movie. The only thing I didn’t like was Sally Jupiter’s terrible actress. (and the stuff they cut out. but that’ll be in the Director’s Cut.)

So to all the people saying 15 is too young? It depends on the 15 year old or whatever old you have. Granted, I’m not saying you should bring your little kid to the movie. but a teenager who’s mature enough, then yeah. There’s no point in saying no - it only makes them want it more.

I have been labeled a lot of things. From emo…to rocker… to freak.

Quite frankly, the whole thing is just stupid. In my head. The fighting between labels, everything.

“Oh fuck you, you’re a fucking emo. You’re a trendy fuck. You copied punk/goth/etc whatever! you fucking suck. you shop at hottopic”

Oh fuck you.  You damn right I shop at fucking Hottopic. I fucking like their clothes dickwad. I have every right to wear what *I* want to wear. If I though wearing a potato sack looked cool, I’d wear a fucking potato sack. But I don’t, and even if everyone else in the world thought it was, I wouldn’t, because it’s a fucking potato sack. 

But I do like the emo style of clothing, and I am going to wear the clothing. I am going to wear eyeliner and bright eyeshadow.

It’s called, FEELING GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. It’s called BEING CONFIDENT.

Fuck you, I could give two shits less about your ‘punk agenda’. Punk is dead as far as I’m concerned. Emo is too. Every single one of your subcultures sucks and you know it. Nothing can be orginal. So stop being a fuckface and saying, “Oh I’m a true punk/emo/goth. Not like those fuckin poser fakes. fuck them!”

You’re not. You’re not original no matter what you fucking say and you know it. Knock off the superior attitude. You’re a dumbass.  I’m not going to deny that I can look emo at times. I wear skinny pants, I wear eyeliner. My hair is very short and choppy and has a habit of being parted to one side.

I am also one of the most perverted, social people in my group of friends. They call me emo and I laugh and flip them off.

I’m not emo. I’m not TRYING to be emo. I’m wearing clothes I fucking like. Just because you don’t have the balls to do so doesn’t mean you need to bitch at me about my clothing choices.

Fuck you and all of your stereotypical bullshit.

I honestly cannot fathom why people are so insecure in themselves at times.

Fucking christ, wear what you want to wear, style your stupid hair how you wanna style it.

But don’t knock other people for what they wear. I think high waisted pants are ridiculous but I don’t say shit to people, because they obviously like wearing them. Who am I to judge?

So once again, fuck all you ‘emos’ and ‘punks’ and ‘goths’.

You wanna be original?

go wear a fucking potato sack.

First words out of my mouth as I excited school today after work:

“SON OF A COCK NUGGET IT’S SNOWING. WHAT THE FUCK.”

I.hate.chicago.weather.

In other news, we had a lockdown today at school. Dunno why. Bet they were doing a drug search or something. Ahaha

In other other news, I have decided that, instead of a boyfriend, I am going to find a girlfriend.

I am sick of dick. As in, boys. Don’t get me wrong, I still find them attractive. but, I’m tired of dating their stupid asses. I’m BORED. AS HELL.

I spent the entire day daydreaming about the perfect girl to date.

I’ve always felt secure in my sexuality. I find girls attractive.

The odd thing about it though, is that, I’ve never felt…restinance. My friends don’t care. My dad sure as hell doesn’t give a shit.

Well, my mom does. She seems on a mission to convince herself, and me that I am not bisexual.

“Oh, you have to like one or the other!”

“Psh, you’re not bisexual. You’ve been dating guys a lot. You’re not bisexual.”

So, if I date a lot of girls, does that make me a full on lesbian?

Personally, I don’t give a shit WHAT’S between your legs.  Sex is sex, and at the end of the day you get off. whatever.

anyway, that’s all really.

I’m done with guys for a bit.

First off.

Dear Chick who said I have crap plastered all over my face,

I am deeply sorry that your mommy and daddy choose not to let you take part in ’self-expression’.
However, my daddy does. So kindly fuck off. I will wear what make -up I want to wear.  And at that, I do not wear a lot of make up as is. I usually wear eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara and lipgloss.

I do not do a cakeface. I can’t even be arsed half the time to put on the mineral powder crap.

I take pride in my eyeshadow, fuckface. I think it’s pretty and colorful.Just because you choose to be bland, and boring does not mean I  have to be! I take great pride in BEING MY OWN PERSON.

So next time you feel my make up is ‘too loud’ or too much ‘crap on my face’, please, tell me more to my face so I may ignore it in the order with which it is recieved.

Thank you,

Selphie

Dear N,

Look, you’re my friend. You’re a complete fuckin jackass, but you’re still a friend.

But look.

You are a complete fucking creepy jackass.

and I mean creepy.

Who the hell goes up to a girl, and says, “So, you gonna suck [her boyfriend’s name]’s dick?”

Uh, wtf? Creepy much? Seriously? and you WONDER WHY YOU CAN’T GET A GIRLFRIEND.

Being perverted for ‘laughs’ is a fine art that I take part in. Stop fucking it up and being creepy, fuckface. Otherwise I will be the one throwing the insults towards you and I can guarantee you will be crying like the little bitch you can be.

Thanks! See you at lunch!

Selphie

Dear Lunch Lady at ASM,

Hiiii, I’m the girl with the rainbow clip in my hair! I’m bisexual and daaammnn proud of it!

And I agree with my friend that, in my opinion, all humans are inherently bisexual deep down inside.

Because at the end of day in my opinion, human beings are sexual little fuckers, and if we stripped away all the excess, we really wouldn’t give two shits who we fucked.

My opinion!

But you know what? Don’t care if someone’s offended by it! So, if you happen to be offended by it - that’s great! Don’t try to TELL me what to say or not to say! Ohh, I understand, you was just tryin’ be diplomatic, huh? Some people might be offended by me stating my opinion, huh?

Well! I’m just darn offended by people telling me, “Well! you’re going to hell for wanting to have sex with women!”

But you know, psh, what does THAT matter? I’m offended by people calling me a boy because I have the balls to cut my hair short, (which btw, I look more feminine then girls with LONG hair so uh, fuck off.).

But no, me stating my own personal opinion about something, you know that might actually be true when you just get down to the nitty and gritty.

Well gosh darn it! That just ain’t RIGHT now is it?

Well, fuck you Ms. Lunch Lady. If you’re so uncomfortable in your own sexuality well! I am indeeeeeed sorry.

But really, I could give two shits less. It just further proves my point.

Thanks, and btw, the grilled cheese looked nasty. Cookies were good though.

Selphie

Dear Guy in Line who wanted to pop one of my balloons.

No, dickwad. You cannot. They are MY balloons. I do not even KNOW your dumbass.

You’re lucky I didn’t know you. Because if I had, instead of the polite, “No..sorry.” you got I would’ve said, “No, fuck off dipshit.” like every one of my friends got.

And, may I ask, are you the kind gentleman that said, “Psh, wouldn’t let a black man pop her balloon.”

Uh, wtf? NO ONE, IS GOING, TO POP MY MOTHERFUCKING BALLOONS. I fucking like balloons, I do not want them to pop.

I kicked, my motherfucking ex-boyfriend in the shin, because the fucker tried to pop it.

Do not pull the stupid race card on me jackass. They are my balloons, I don’t even KNOW you, so no, I’m not gonna let you pop my balloon.

Fuck off, and leave my balloons ALONE.

Thank you!

Selphie

Incidentally, I actually managed to get through a lunch period without my balloons popping. I hurt my toe in the process (by kicking above ex-boyfriend in the shins. Stupid mofo.) but goddamn it, I am so sick and tired of those fuckers trying to pop them, or popping them on ‘accident’.

Fuuucckkkk aalll yaaaaa”lllllllss.

kay?

Other then that, my day went fine for the most part. Wrote a really good poem at ASM.

and now, I  am thirsty so I must depart.

bye.

Selphie

So before go I go to the more annoying frustrating bits, let’s start off nice, shall we?

I got to pick my courses for Junior year today. Three AP classes, one Honors. Drama, French  I, and Speech. My alternates are Creative Writing, and AP Env. Science.

Pretty good in my eyes. I’m just completely thrilled I’m going to be in Drama.

Rather silly for me to go to college for Drama if I didn’t take anything Drama-related in high school!

So that part of my day went by spiffy doo da.

But I am really getting ticked off at this girl, who, I thought, was at least just a friend. But I am increasingly getting pissed off because she really is just a bitch. And she honestly doesn’t give a shit about people. While I make fun of my friends, and tell them they suck, I usually immediatly afterwards tell them, no you do not suck, I love you guysss.

She’s just a bitch who takes enjoyment out of making fun of me. From my eyeshadow (calling me a clown? Huh, funny, because, it used to be, you didn’t really wear different color eyeshadows until *I* did. So please, fucking spare me.), to just my general attitude and what I say.  I used to get along with her fairly well, but now, because she has decided to just be a complete bitch, if she says one goddamn word to me tomorrow that pisses me off, I am going to tell her to shut up, and not speak to me.

I suppose the breaking point of this was the fact she found it fucking goddamn hilarious I was suicidal and self-harming in middle school.

No actually, it’s not fucking funny. It’s not funny when a person feels at a complete lost, and like a complete fucking outcast because people can act incredibly cruel and strike where it hurts the most. It is not funny, that I would come home and cry until I fell asleep, or that I would come home and break things.

That’s not funny, and you’re being a complete FUCKSTICK for saying it is.

So fuck you very much.

Anyway.

I didn’t mention it, but I did have a boyfriend for about two months. We broke up in January. Duo didn’t really like him, and I can somewhat see why. He was rather insecure in the way he handled things, and he had a tendency of being a baby.

But I miss him.

Part of it is jealousy. I miss the joking around he did with me that he now does with other girls.

I miss the way we’d talk on the phone about nothing in particular, but we’d still manage to laugh our asses off.

I miss walking home from his house, sharing gummy worms that are pretty frozen by the time we get to the last one.

I know that even if we DID get back together, it wouldn’t last forever. But still, I do miss being with him a lot. and there’s not a lot of guys I’d particularly wish to date at Senn.

But I have done a lot of thinking about it. We rushed into our relationship very quickly, a mistake on both our parts. And it was entirely his fault either. I’m not good at expressing myself sometimes, and being someone who is very… protective of herself, I don’t like to share what I’m thinking, lest what others think.

(I know, it sounds weird coming from me.)

So when I wanted space to myself, I didn’t make that known, and I suppose that caused friction.

It’s not entirely either of our faults. But at the same time, I don’t want to ask him to go back out with me because of the way I handled the break up. I did it stupidly, and it probably seemed a bit harsh. Then again, I was ticked off during the time. I should’ve thought more throughly.

But I meditated a bit, and I read the Tarot (I needed to practice -anyway-.) and it lead me to some very pointed conclusions.

1) I shouldn’t go back with him just because I’m jealous and I want to fulfill my own personal vendetta/justice.
2) At the same time, I DO want to get back together with him. But just take it slower. And give us each our own space while still supporting each other.

Of course, this will likely not to go to plan, because in my mind I do not look at relationships like most teenagers. My entire life I have seen relationships go awry and as such I have always taken a different stance on them.

I have a very analytical mind when it comes to relationships. I despise the way high school romances act. But the emotional side of me longs for it, in an effort to seem normal. I feel like I’m missing out on something.

In any event, I’ll take it as it comes. You never know what will happen the next day, or the day after that.

It’s funny that my friends all come to me for relationship help, and yet I am just as blind as them. It’s funny how certain people seem more grown up then others, but they’re really just as lost as the others lol.

C’est La Vie!

Happy V-day btw.

-Selphie

Sooo, report card pick up day is this week. I honestly can’t wait for my dad to meet my teachers.

Here they are: (and my ~commentary~)

Ms. Abrahman (or wtfever) Algebra.
I finally figured out what PISSES me off the most about her.
She can’t hear, she doesn’t pay attention, she’s rude.
…And she’s fucking PATRONIZING. Even when she’s ‘nice’. It’s this patronizing condescending nice, and it fucking drives me crazy. fuck off if you’re not going to do something worthwhile and actually you know, TEACH. I sit RIGHT infront of her and when she asks what the answer is, I will repeat it. loudly. FIVE FUCKING TIMES.
and she CAN’T.HEAR.IT.
She seems to think she has a friend in me, and that’s only because I have you know, MANNERS. Personally I can’t stand the fucking bitch. She CONSTANTLY comes over to me, while I’m DOING MY WORK. Takes my paper, looks at it, then looks at me….AND TELLS ME TO WORK.

I CAN’T. YOU HAVE MY PAPER YOU MORON. I CAN’T DO MY WORK IF YOU HAVE MY PAPER.

One time, I turned the page in my binder, so I could do some scratch work, (once again, I repeat, I SIT RIGHT INFRONT OF HER.) She tells me to stop drawing and work.

WTF.

SERIOUSLY. And you know, if I need help, I’LL ASK. STOP ASKING ME IF I NEED HELP EVERY FIVE SECONDS. That’s another problem you have and why people hate you.

YOU DON’T LEAVE US THE HELL ALONE. WE ARE DOING OUR WORK. NOW FUCK OFF.

Ms. Y - Drivers Ed/P.E.

I remember….the good ole days…when you could just dress for P.E… participate the best you can… and you got an A.

…wait that was last year!!

THEN HOW THE HELL DO YOU JUST TURN THE TABLES??

and how the FUCK can you grade someone based on their PHYSICAL PROWESS. I know I’m not athletic, I don’t try to hide it. I’m not overweight, or anything, and sports have never interested me either.

YET, BECAUSE OF THE STUPID FITNESS TESTS, I HAVE A FRIKKIN F IN P.E

SRSLY.

I dressed EVERYDAY.

I PLAYED STUPID VOLLEYBALL.

WTF.

Sorrrrryyyy, I’m not good at running, or doing pull-ups. But you know what? SOME OF THE FITNESS STUFF I NEVER GOT TO DO.

Oh! and I DID my sit ups. I got like, an A or a B on that.

BUT YOU JUST SKIPPED MY SQUAD. YOU NEVER ASKED US FOR WHAT WE GOT.

…WTF.

NO REALLY, DO YOU HAVE ALZHEIMERS??

I don’t particularly mind her in Driver’s Ed. She scares me, sure. but I’m a ‘good’ student in her eyes, so I never get in trouble. Hell, I was absent a couple of days, and didn’t have my homework. Normally, to anyone else she would’ve bit their heads off and told them that was no excuse, call the P.E office.

She just told me to go ahead and sit down and do work. no yelling.

That scared the hell outta me.

Division - Dr. C

Meet my Div teacher:

only with a bun on her head.

and yes, I am fucking serious.

She looks like Roz from Monster’s Inc.

and guess what? She’s a bitch like her too! Luckily I only have her for 15 minutes.

Hey! Guess what Ms.C! FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT BITCH BITCH BITCH.

I don’t ever swear at you Dr. C, but god DAMN. STFU already. We are teenagers in the 21st century living in Chicago.

We.are.going.to.swear.  Granted, we shouldn’t swear at you. and I don’t. but damn. stfu already.

Also, quit locking people out of the damn room. that just pisses them off and *gasp* makes them pound on the door! That’s great, they’re late. IT HAPPENS. Locking them out because you want to be a little pissant does nothing. Just creates more ruckus you moron.

Also, OMNOMNOMNOM. I’M IN UR CLASSROOM CHEWIN MAH GUM. Surprised you haven’t caught me yet!!

3rd period - Mr. San and Mr. D.

Mr. San - you scare me. I’m sry, but you seem really strict. D:  I mean, you also seem really cool. but you still scare me. sry.

Mr. D- you is awesome. plz be to staying forever.

Chemistry isn’t my best subject, but you know, I do my best and I do have a B in right now so I mean, I’m pleased. could be worse. Math and me don’t do good together, so i’m proud of myself for having a B in a science/math course that’s intended for juniors.

4th Period - Music, Ms. B.

Haaay you’re cool. whatevs. You’re nice to me. i hate singing, but I mean, it’s cool

5th Period - Mr. S.  Computer Tech.

’sup dude. even tho you’re kinda…annoying sometimes and sometimes like you know, over my shoulder too much. you’re an OK guy.

also. HAHAHAHA I CAN TYPE FASTER THEN YOU SUCKAAAAA.

6th period - LUNCH LOL.

I’ll use this to say,

A) I broke up with my boyfriend. no biggie.

B) I don’t like Jake. we’re friends, but he’s also an asshole.

C) I like this other kid in my lunch who’s fucking hilarious and on Thursday slammed a condom down onto the table and then left laughing.

awesome.

7th period - Mr. Garlic Us History (that’s not his real name, but you’ll see why I call him that.)

You’re awesome!!! One of my favorite classes. Sorry if I talk too much. Both like, to my friends, and you know, answering questions wise. I dun wanna come off as a smart-alec.

also, as to why that one essay wasn’t finished.

IT’S BECAUSE OF THAT ONE SENTENCE.  I spent like, the ENTIRE PERIOD TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU SAW WRONG WITH THAT SENTENCE. I AM OCD LIKE THAT. To this DAY I find the sentence just fine, but I just ended up getting rid of it so I could move out of the damn intro paragraph!!!!

but still, you’re cool. you flipped me off once which made me lol.

Also, I’m on to you. I know you’re a damn vampire Mr. GARLIC yea that’s right. But it’s cool. you’re lucky I like vampires.

…BUT JUST ADMIT IT ALREADY!!!

8th Period - Ms. D American Lit.

Ms. D you’re awesome. I’m sorry everyone is always rude to you, but I like you a lot and you’re a good teacher.

also.

I finished Buried Onions already.

so yeah.

those are my teachers.

I find it vagualy ironic, that in Dekalb, I had straight A’s. and in Dekalb, I was a helluva lot more busy. I had anime club every tuesday (of which I was a big part of.), we had actual dances (we only have homecoming here at Senn.) and I was a lot more willing to go hang out with my friends.

and then I come to Senn, where I don’t have a lot of clubs, and spend most of my time on my schoolwork. and yet I have a C in Algebra and an F in P.E.

WTF. You know, my teacher at Dekalb for my math, was awesome. he explained things, he was nice, I had no trouble at all learning with him.

and then Ms. A comes along and just. URHG. it’s frustrating beyond belief. It makes me NOT want to do the damn work. I do, but it just…urgh it’s hard to explain.

as for the F in P.E, I think my teacher is smokin crack yo.

I mean, we had fitness tests in P.E but Pater never held it AGAINST us. it was more along the lines of “okay let’s see how to improve.) hell, I rarely ‘participated’ in P.E, I just kinda stood there occasionally attempting to kick the ball, really just standing there and making dirty jokes and snarky comments and he STILL gave me an A.

maybe he thought I was funny.

“OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. EARMUFFS.”

“WOW. He actually did it!!!”

so, like, I have a new boyfriend.

he’s really short, and compared to me, really quiet.

and I can already see it is not going to end good for him.

It seems I date people who are in awe of me. God knows why they are, but they seem intent on pleasing my every need and it annoys the everlasting shiiiittt outta me. I want a guy to ARGUE with me and poke fun at me. I don’t want a guy who agrees with EVERYTHING I say. It’s frustrating to say the least. Don’t get me wrong, Joe seems nice, but I can’t see myself with him for very long. It’s infuriating to say the least. Am I really THAT intimidating? I don’t see what’s so great about dating me. I don’t like answering the phone, I’m loud and obnoxious and half the time I get bored in a realitionship and start ignoring things.  I do not see the appeal here people.

I have a feeling, once I am older I am going to gain a reputation as one who has many lovers. Because I CAN’T settle down. Staying with one person is as foreign to me as cleaning my room. (HAHA. a joke.) I don’t know HOW people do it really, and people who try when they know it’s useless are complete fucktards who need to learn to move on. Don’t get me wrong, there ARE realitionships that work. Duo and Seraph for instance. that lesbian couple that were the first to marry in Cali. but like, my mom and Tom for instance. THAT RELATIONSHIP ISN’T BLOODY WORKING.

why bother staying?! move on for chrissakes. Human beings are SOCIAL CREATURES. we are all narcisstic bastards and we might as well embrace it. My mother is a complete fucktard in that instance. “we have problems and we’re working on them.” FOR THE PAST…HOW MANY YEARS? Honestly.

I truely see why now, why my dad has told me I am going to be a heartbreaker.

staying in one realitionship for my whole life, sounds quite annoying and frustrating.

and for that matter, I have yet to cry when I break up with an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. if anything I am relieved.

and that, my friends, is why boys have cooties.