Killing cliche's as fast as you invent them.

“Wasted youth and fist full of ideals”
hehe..sorry..listening to Nimrod ^_^’

Anyway..to the point of this whole post.

You people at school.
Shut up.
Just shut up.
STFU.

Aka take that thing you call a mouth..and close it.

-_-;

I’m sick of your f-cking bullsh-t.
Your f-cking whispers.

For ONCE in my f-cking life I’m happy.
Quit f-cking messing it the f-ck up.
I don’t need your daily sh-t.

I’ve actually found the boy that I can love.
I’m as the song ‘Redudant’
“Cuz I love yous not enough..I’m lost for words.”
((Psh..didn’t think a girl could be like this right? …f-ck that.))
And….I’m not some slut/whore…unlike some people
Not gonna mention names. =)
I actually love him more then anything in the f-cking world (sides my dad of course =P)
He actuallys love me for who I am. And what I stand for.
You f-cking jerks at school just are waiting until you can f-ck the sh-t outta
of these little preps.
He’s not like that. He f-cking turned down some other girl ((even though she was good looking))
..because he stated he loved someone else. And being the curious little girl I am. Me Kathy and Rochelle asked him who it was ((he gave us crappy hints..I swear..)) and we finally narrowed it down to moi. ((Don’t believe me? www.simpleplanrox.com ask for a Rochelle or Kathy..and they’ll tell you. Or if Joey’s on himself ask *him*)). Yea..
Anyway…
So yea..this is the reason why inside I felt “HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!”…..-_-’

Listen people..
Wanna talk about me?
Talk about me infront of f-cking face.
So I don’t have to have my f-cking friend come up to me
and tell me trying not to hurt my feelings.
B-tchs.

Anywaaaayy……

You want f-cking tears?
You wanna bweak me down?
Just cuz…I’m diffewent?
Aww…
Tough luck.
Not gonna get it.

Bastards.

I’m not gonna let you control my life.
Unlike you…I actually have PLANS on what I want to do in life.
I don’t want to be a f-cking waitress and live off tips.
Wtf kind of life is THAT?
Besides flirting with customers?
Hmm?
You might as well stay home and f-cking have 10 children.
F-ck that.
I’m actually gonna go out there.
Even though I have to go to College.
I’m hoping to start a band.
….and if that doesn’t work out.
I’ll get a job.
A *decent* job.
Maybe I’ll get married..
and have one or two children.

But that’s what I want..those are my plans…
You people on the other hand just think it’s a fun old world were you can
do whatevvvveerrrr you want.
-_-;
Na-uh..not like that.

Anyway I have to go…since we’re going swimming today.
I have to go pack up and stuff..
Leave comments..please..I need a laugh..Billie does get boring..

Oh and add me on msn to: selphiemako@hotmail.com
=)

Anyway…off I go!

I shall…see all you retarded idiots at school….=D

-sighs- Todays been…rough.

The morning n afternoon went fine. Fine as could be.
Talked to Joey in the morning. He left to go to school.
Talked to Billie and Tre rest of day.

Then…after Joey came home from school…him and 80…had a fight.
He walked out…just..walked out.
I cried. Seriously. I love Joey more then anything…
((Yes for you pyschotic people Billie knows this…>_< he made me admit it..;_;))
He came back finally. And locked himself in his room.
I begged Billie to try and get him out. 80 finally managed to get him to go to the computer.
I talked to him. Helped him find out was wrong…he was sad…cuz..he never sees Billie..

I know how he feels. Sometimes I feel sad because I can’t see my mom.

He also told me..he was getting a award at school..
Billie being on tour..couldn’t see him getting it.
It reminded me of the time…when I was in 2nd grade and in one of the leading roles for a play.
I don’t remeber what it was called. Anyway I was Maria..and the plot was basically…4 kids get outta school and wish school’d never come back. Maria (me) says she’d do nothing but watch T.V. The others kids say what they’d do and blah blah blah. So then a ‘Grim Reaper’ type dude comes in sprays them they go into the future to see what’d it be like. Needless to say…Maria is forced to watch T.V…all the times…I get dragged on stage by the ‘T.V’ by a rope. It was fun…only…my mom said she’d come….she didn’t.

I know for a fact Billie loves Jakob and Joey more then anything…he was half ready to cancel the tour.

-sighs-
I finally managed to persuade Joey to talk to Billie on the phone. =).
I was happy doo da day. ((Joey later came on to thank me. We chatted a bit then he asked me what he should say to 80. Told him to say sorry (obviously) and that he was just a bit mixed up about his feelings…it happens)).

He’s gonna stay home from school tomorrow. Maybe he’ll get up early so I can talk to him in the morning instead of waiting till the afternoon. -_-;.

hehe…

Also..Alicia’s been kicked out of….a grand total of…3 houses in 2 days. Thank GOD Zach’s mom is letting her stay with them…

Anyway must go…

G’night..sleep tight…

And..don’t run away…;)

Okay first news of ze day:
Jamie n Seb broke up. (Seb’s from Simple Plan) I feel so sorry for the dude. He had been with her for like..2 or 3 years. =(. Me and Rochelle are gonna make Pierre get him on SPR. Then we’re gonna throw a party for him. =D.
After all he’s our Uncle Sebby!
lmao.

Second…uhh…
Billie still needs a haircut. And he needs to get rid of his damn platforms:

Notice the offending platforms. BILLIE YOU MAY BE SHORT, BUT DOESN’T MEAN YA WEAR PLATFORMS!!
Seriously!!! It makes him look dorkier then he does without them.
(oo la la! Billie’s sexeh in that picture! ((I made this on Photoshop peoples)))

And now for animations….mostly of Billie…YAY!! lol.

Dancin Bwillliiieeee!
BILLIE!! -covers eyes- My virgin ears…
Him smiling…looks like a dork if ya ask me. 9_9.
We think he’s either having a Sillie Billie moment, he’s drunk, or he’s high. Either way he looks like he’s insane and going to kill us. 0_0
Billie:Huggie? Mike: KISSEH! Seriously..Mikey scares me even more then he did before. CONTROL YOUR DAMN HORMONES MIKEY WIKEY!
Uhh…Billie’s humping…air…here it seems….tsk tsk..
GO BILLIE! PLAY THE DAMN GUITAR! ‘FORE I WHACK YOU WITH BLUE!!
BILLIE! YOUR F-ING MARRIED!!!!!! -smacks Billie with Rochelle’s bat-
-drooldrool- Shirtless Billie! He brushes his tongue to….-mutters- I can’t believe this is my brother…eck..
OMFG!! Okay naturally we all think this is hot. BUT AT THE SAME TIME. WTF BILLIE!!! YOUR.MARRIED.AND.HAVE.KIDS! WHAT DO YOU THINK JOEY’S GONNA SAY!?
Ring around the drums…-coughs- -glomps Tre- MY TWE! -giggles-
-thud- -drools on floor- Treeee…TRE! -falls to floor laughing- “PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA!” LMAO!! AHAHA!

Mkay that’s it. I can’t put any more Twe ones up cuz photobuckets a ass =(

Bye for nowwww!!!

“Cuz we’re like fucking Santa Claus…BEEEOOOOTTCH!”-Tre

I’ve noticed something.
Ever since we left O’fallon and moved to fucking Mt.Vernon me and my father have fought a fuck of alot more.

So today..we of course have a huge fight. I try to not cry but end up doing so anyway.
He leaves saying I have to clean my room in a furious voice. I start to do so but before doing that I put on “Wake me up when September Ends”. Even as I sang along I cried. I cried so damn much my hair started to stick to my cheeks.
After that I put on Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I could see myself walking down a empty road by myself. Just like J.O.S probaly did. Walking along by himself wallowing in self-pity and wondering when this horrible thing they call life would end. After crying some more I managed to turn it onto..Give Me Novacaine. In this St.Jimmy gives J.O.S drugs and he finds them…soothing. By this time I had a huge headache. I sang along hoping to dear god if he’s real to help me end all this pain.
Next song…Letterbomb, complete with Whatsername’s taunt to J.O.S: “Nobody likes you Everyone left you. They’re all out without you having fun..”. I fucking broke down in another round of sobs. I cried because of that’s what I felt like. Like everyone left me. Like the song Longview says: “Call me pathetic call me whatyouwill.”. Do exactly that. I felt like everyone including my dad had left me.
Leaving me along to my own cries of pain and self pity.
“You’re not the Jesus of Suburbia, and St.Jimmy is a figment of your fathers rage and your mothers love” Here you must switch Father and mother. I was my fathers love and my mothers rage. Odd I know…anyway…after that song I put on Homecoming. In the begining of this J.O.S starts out with a answering machine message ((like when you call someone and a message plays such as: Sorry not here right now please leave a message)) My heart is beating from me,
I am standing all alone,
Please call me only if you are coming home,
Waste another year flies by,
Waste a night or two,
You taught me how to live
Okay les take out….”Please call me only if you are coming home”
Here I’m thinking “Talk to me and tell me that you’ll be here to comfort me and take away this pain”.
Neaxt,
In the crowd of pain, St. Jimmy comes without any shame,
He says “We’re fucked up”,
But we’re not the same,
And mom and dad are the ones you can blame
Okay first up: We’re fucked up but we’re not the same. In a way I feel , like J.O.S, I have two people inside me. One side is my St.Jimmy side the other my J.O.S. I personally felt like my whole life is fucked up and everyone in it should pretty much die in a firey explosion.
“And mom and dad are the ones you can blame” here I went all out crying. I wanted badly to blame my mom AND my dad. But I knew I couldn’t. Not even my mom. No not even the woman who has indeed tried to screw my life up.
And even I knew I couldn’t blame my dad. He did nothing. I was sitting here in self-pity because of me. No one else. Not even St.Jimmy can change that.
Jimmy died today

He blew his brains out into the bay,
In the state of mind in my own private suicide
Here’s were I took my hand and made a ‘gun’ and put it to my head. When it said “He blew his brains out into the bay” I shot the gun. Bangity Bang. It was my own private little suicide. One that I could never do with a real gun.

And nobody cares,
And nobody cares,
Does anyone care if nobody cares?,
And nobody cares,
And nobody cares,
Does anyone care if nobody cares?,
Exactly as the song says. Nobody cares…at least…it felt like that. I was J.O.S. I was feeling sick inside. Sick of life sick of the tauntings the pain. Worst of all: Sick of what I had become.
Somebody get me out of here,
Anybody get me out of here,
Somebody get me out of here,
Get me the fuck right out of here J.O.S after getting a job and blah blah blah doesn’t like it. He wants to get out. Here I was scratching at my skin. Wanting so badly to turn away from my life. I almost started to scream this.
Nobody likes you,
Everyone left you,
They’re all out without you,
Havin’ fun,
Everyone left you,
Nobody likes you,
They’re all out without you,
Havin’ fun,
Where’d you go?
Here Whatsername’s words taunt J.O.S’s mind. She was right. Everyone hated him. Everyone left him because he had become a monster. Something he was forced to do. He had gone insane. The daily things in his life. The daily people had forced the last shred of sanity from him. “Where’d you go?” she’s referring to “Where is the real you?”
I got a rock and roll band,
I got a rock and roll life,
I got a rock and roll girlfriend,
And another ex-wife

I got a kid in New York,
I got a kid in the Bay,
I haven’t drank or smoked nothin’,
In over 22 days,
So get off of my case

This is one of my favorite parts of Homecoming. It’s a ‘postcard’ from Tunny. A unknown person J.O.S met on the streets. This made me cry for the plain sake of: “Do I want this life?”

Here they come marching down the street,
Like a desperation murmur of a heart beat,
Coming back from the edge of town,
Underneath their feet

He’s going home. Back to the pain. The suffering. Everything he tried to escape. What he had now is not what he wanted. He knew deep down, he wasn’t the Jesus of Suburbia. It was a lie. A lie to escape it all. He found the truth…and went back.

After Homecoming I put on Whatsername. The key highlight.
In the song J.O.S remebers Whatsername who had left him ((During Letterbomb she left him)).
Thought I ran into you down on the street,
Then it turned out to only be a dream,
I made a point to burn all of the photographs,
She went away and then I took a different path,
I remember the face,
But I can’t recall the name,
Now I wonder how whatsername has been
In Whatsername I’m remebering myself. The Sara who didn’t care what other people thought. The Sare who would talk to her dad. That Sara…like the song says “She went away and I took a different path” she left….I turned…I turned the lonely state of depression and nothingness. “I made a point to burn all of the photographs” I wanted all of the old Sara to leave. I didn’t need it..or want it.
Seems that she disappeared without a trace,
Did she every marry old what’s his face,
I made a point to burn all of the photographs,
She went away and then I took a different path,
I remember the face,
But I can’t recall the name,
Now I wonder how whatsername has been

I disapeared without a trace. I was no one. I wasn’t Sara McCraken. I was Whatsername. I had no name…I was there..and yet I wasn’t.
Remember, whatever,
It seems like forever ago,
Remember, whatever,
It seems like forever ago,
The regrets are useless,
In my mind,
She’s in my head,
I must confess,
The regrets are useless,
She’s in my head,
From so long ago

Forgetting you, but not the time

The regrets I made are useless. I can’t change the fact I had changed. It was so far ago. I was scratching again crying…I wanted to go back..even though I knew damn well I couldn’t. No matter what. And if my memory does serve right…I’ll never be able to go back…never..I’ve changed..for the better or worse…I don’t know. I’m forgetting my oldself..but not the time in which I spent with her.

After remebering myself I put on…Jesus of Suburbia. I wasn’t Whatsername anymore. I was J.O.S.
I’m the son of rage and love,
The Jesus of suburbia,
From the bible of “none of the above”,
On a steady diet of soda pop and ritalin,
No one ever died for my sins in hell,
As far as I can tell,
At least the ones I got away with

“I’m the son of Rage and Love” yes I know full well I am girl. but at the same time..this is what I felt. My parents did love each other at one point. But as I said: My father was love my mother was rage. I was the bridge. I was made from rage and love. I grew up with it. My parent’s despise each other.
It says: home is where your heart is,
But what a shame,
‘Cause everyone’s heart,
Doesn’t beat the same,
We’re beating out of time

Home is where your heart is? As J.O.S states…everyones heart does not beat the same. I can’t always go out and openly state: “Hey guess what! I don’t give a fuck!”
City of the dead,
At the end of another lost highway,
Signs misleading to nowhere,
City of the damned,
Lost children with dirty faces today,
No one really seems to care

City of the Dead…that’s what Mt.Vernon is to me. The people don’t care. The children don’t care. No one really seems to care.
I read the graffiti,
In the bathroom stall,
Like the holy scriptures in a shopping mall,
And so it seemed to confess,
It didn’t say much,
But it only confirmed that,
The center of the earth,
Is the end of the world

And I could really care less

He doesn’t give a fuck now. His sanity is leaving him slowly. He’s begining to think: “Well what the fuck…no one cares about me…so I shouldn’t either”
I don’t care if you don’t,
I don’t care if you don’t,
I don’t care if you don’t care
I don’t care if you don’t,
I don’t care if you don’t,
I don’t care if you don’t care
I don’t care if you don’t,
I don’t care if you don’t,
I don’t care if you don’t care
I don’t care if you don’t,
I don’t care if you don’t,
I don’t care if you don’t care

He doesn’t care. He openly states it now. By this time I’m pulling my hair…I don’t care now. I’m sick of it all. Sick of the taunts..the fighting..everything. I didn’t care.

Dearly beloved, are you listening?
I can’t remember a word that you were saying,
Are we demented? Or am I disturbed?
The space that’s in between insane and insecure

Oh therapy can you please fill the void?
Am I Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed?
Nobody’s perfect and I stand accused,
For the lack of a better word, and that’s my best excuse

He’s basically saying “Nobodies perfect and yet you accuse me of being something I cannot be…”. I feel like this. The people at school every day..accuse me because I am not ‘perfect’. Sorry folks..shows over!
So I run,
I run away

You’re leaving…
You’re leaving…
You’re leaving…
Ah you’re leaving home…

He’s running. Running from his home his town his pain. He’s not going to say sorry. He could care less. He feels this is right. He’s been victimized for no reason. When I was…around 9 I almost ran away. I was scared confused and broken. I could barely count out the money I was to use.

So this is what happened. I was confused broken and wanting to get out.

Okay as you may have noticed on SPR there is a ‘family’.
The family consists of…

Pierre: Dad
Kathy: Mom
Billie: Oldest brother
Tre: Half brother ((Pierre cheated on mom! BAD DADDY!))
Steph:Oldest Sister
Rochelle: Older sister
Me: Youngest sister.

Nicknames:
Pierre: Daddy…and Dad..only Billie calls him Dad though. Oh and Steph and Tre do to.
Me and Rochelle call him Daddy.
Kathy: Mom…Mother…mommy..
Billie: B.J Billie Joe..Dorkface..retard…dork…uhh…Stupid..Bwillie
Tre: Twe…
Steph: Stephy
Rochelle: Rochelly..
Me: Wittle sis…uhh retard dork…”My wittle tiny sister!” (Billie calls me that when he’s drunk…why I don’t know..so does Rochelle))

More later…there’s some stupid retarded…person on there right now…9_9

Mmmkay….

First off: I am sick. My sickness will probaly go away by tomorrow.
The reason to why I am sick? Because of that stupid herbal crap.

Now I *know* that it’s going to help my period. I *understand* that.
But it’s not exactly helping me otherwise. I *barely* stand up without blacking out a bit.
My stomach is contiunlly hurting like a bitch. And I have a huge headache.
((And my throat is messed up but that has nothing to do with anything))
Now…me and my dad had a arguement going to wether or not I should go to school today ((I’m not…I’m going to spend the day laying down in the living room listening to music. Once in a while checking to see if Tre is on so I can deal with *that* problem)). I understand that my dad does not want me to fail. *But* when I can barely stand up and considering the fact yesterday when I went to go get my math book I couldn’t see for a few minutes and had to stand there holding onto a desk until I could see.
I’m not trying to be diffcult. I may *be* being difficult. The point is: I’m not trying to.

Anyway..I’m gonna go lay down…-mutters- stupid bloody cramps..

Because my dad is so lazy and we do not have a pet *I* took the liberty of getting a virtual kitty.

Meet Raive! HAHA! KITTY!!!
-runs around-
More later beotchs.