First up,
my mother.
It’s too the point…I really…just…don’t WANT one. I’ve spent 14, almost 15 years without on really, and the times when I did ‘have’ one, were pretty damn horrible. =| I just really, don’t WANT one. I see no point in it, and whenever someone tries to be my ‘mommy’ it only ends up with me crying. And I hate that. That’s not how it’s supposed to be…
So, I just…I don’t…I don’t want a mother, a mom, or anything. I’ve never had one, so why should I start now?
Don’t get me wrong, I love Traci… but, it’s a love based on the fact she gave birth to me and I’m grateful for it. But…I don’t feel anything more.
Is that a bad thing? I don’t even know anymore.
My sexuality.
I consider myself asexual now. I really despise people in general as of late. Nobody has anything even mildly interesting to say, and what they do manage to spew out is well, nothing interesting. I made friends, yes, but they are boring beyond belief, and yes they are nice.
But I really do not like them.
Kayla, just reminds me of Emma all over again, (despite saying she’s a cooler version. Yea, okay. You do the same exact shit she used to do. So spare me.)
I do not like my teachers, or the people I go to school with. I lie between my teeth when asked if I like Larkin and everyone.
I do not like anyone.
My faith in humanity and people has dropped so low, I don’t even know WHY.
People just suck.
Career wise?
I want to start a band. It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do, but my faith in my vocals has always kept me back, despite the fact I (or at least I like to think anyway) write pretty decent lyrics.
But the Smiths/Morrissey have once more inspired me to do so. I plan on working on that once we get into the city (which is soon, because Duo got us an apartment.)
More then likely, over the summer. 
…and even after that rant I still feel pretty shitty. I honestly hope this all just goes away. I’m not sleeping good. I just want to constantly be asleep because I’m just so tired all of the time. And at night when I do lay down to sleep, it takes me like, another hour just laying there to fall asleep.
I really just wanna lie down and not get up…:(
-Skip
so…
I’m not seeing my mother anymore.
I can’t take it anymore. I’m really just sick and tired of talking to her, hearing her excuses, and watching her slowly kill herself.
So, I won’t do it.
anyway.
new song.
(guess what it’s about! =|)
It’s already two in the morning.
And I’m still up..
Isn’t it funny
How you can still make me wonder?
And yet every night…
I cry myself to sleep.
I worry myself to cry.
And yet you still.
Refuse to care…
And it goes on.
Every night…
I wonder dear god why…
It used to go so well…
When I was young.
A trusting child’s hand…
That was mine.
I always said, they’ll come back.
But secretly, I cried myself to sleep, wondering…
Would you really come back?
I forced myself to relive memories, in order to fill
this empty chasm.
And yet every night…
I cry myself to sleep.
I worry myself to cry.
And yet you still.
Refuse to care…
And it goes on.
Every night…
I wonder dear god why…
It’s not so easy!
To be an adult, apparently.
And yet why is it, that everyone says.
I’m the mature one.
It’s not fair! It’s not right!
I only want that thing that’s in the store window…
that all the other children have.
and yet you still, refuse to buy the one thing I want!
You still refuse to care.
And it goes on every night in my tear soaked bed.
You say you care, and I’m sure you do.
But then why do the tears still fall at night?
I haven’t felt this horrible, this depressed, since I was 11.
I don’t even know what’s wrong anymore. I really don’t. I’ve started crying and stopped at least 2 or 3 times already today, I feel as if I have a constant headache, and I…I don’t know.
The school is stupid, as with everyone else.
Jesus fucking christ, don’t take it so personally that I don’t give a flying fuck that you’re picking your dog up and he’s squirming.
Jesus FUCK, could you FUCKSTICKS be a LITTLE BIT MORE DISORGANIZED. IT’S NOT YOUR FUTURE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT.
IT’S MINE. *MINE*. SO PLEASE, FUCKING TRY TO DO YOUR JOB.
even that didn’t help. I feel fidgety. I can’t sit still, I don’t WANT to sit still. But at the same time I just want to lay down and not move ever again.
It’s incredibly hard to find old movies on bittorrent. I was searching for Leather Boys on Isohunt and I all I got was fucking pornos.
fuck fuck fuck.
oh and when my mom and I went to Hottopic I asked the guy there if they had any Smiths/Morrissey shirts. of course not. I wanted to fucking punch his face in because he acted smug and shit.
PLEASE GTFO AND GET OUT OF THE GENE POOL.
ass.
ALSO, I FUCKING HATE FAKE NAILS. I need to get some acetone ASAP so I can peel these fuckers OFF.
*sigh* oh, I’m becoming a vegetarian. I know, it’s weird. oh well. deal with it. I’m not gonna make a big fuss about it or anything,and yes, I STILL HATE PETA. Their attitude just…completely turns me off.
I’m gonna go make my other can of spaghetti-o’s I think.
yum.
-Skip
It’s been awhile! Heh. And lots have changed. I still love Daft Punk but…
well.
I love Morrissey/The Smiths a lot more. I really do. It’s weird. never have I liked someone this much before. =|
It’s really weird. I mean, granted, everyone thinks this is just another phase of mine, and I don’t blame them. I really don’t.
But. it’s just. (and I know -every- Morrissey fan says this.) the lyrics are just so…true. I don’t know. it’s so hard to explain. I can’t really. Other people can, but I just…I can’t. Never have I been at such a loss for words. D:
fksr4potekkk
anyway.
I wrote a bunch of songs, (posting them on myspace. =|)
also, I’m pretty damn sure I’m asexual at this point. both genders just completely bore the hell out of me. Even as friends really. I feel damn horrible saying that, but it’s true. people these days just disinterest me…
anyway. songs/poems
Sitting on the train, watching the houses go by.
I wish I could see into the windows, to see the familys cry.
Are they happy? Are they sad…
The cars gliding past.
And the only thing on my mind, is your sweet touch.
It’s silly really, the thoughts that run through my mind.
I wonder, if we’d touch on this train.
Slim fingers delicatly touching, touching.
Would we moan? Would we groan? Oh my, it’s making me nervous just thinking.
A handsome one, you are!
Oh how I wish, we could have one touch. The blossoms touching. oh dear, oh my.
(Wrote this on the train. surprised? D: felt rly dirty afterwards…)
Told you what I wanted to say.
You took one look, and said okay.
I didn’t expect much else, how could I?
It’d be silly if I did. After all, how could someone like you
recipricate feelings of such longing?
I’m not surprised - not hurt.
Just incredibly frustrated at the lack of progress.
Do you find it amusing to toy with me?
Thank you and goodbye my dear sir.
How eloquently, you said, not to look at them.
In the magazines, their legs spread, the breasts perked.
At least they look mildly interesting.
It’s quite sad really, can you look into my eyes?
I’m not surprised - not hurt.
Just incredibly frustrated at the lack of progress.
Do you find it amusing to toy with me?
Thank you, and goodbye my dear sir.
Your pretty hair, the words you say,
Did they have any meaning at all? Including me in those silly stories.
I wonder, I wonder, did the endings have any bearing on the future?
Just leave me now, I can’t bear the pain of it all.
You ask for advice, so casually, as if I have no claim in it all.
Then again, maybe I’m to blame for putting myself out there.
Your sweet voice, it doesn’t hurt my ears, just the words that make the sounds.
I’m not surprised - not hurt.
Just incredibly frustrated at the lack of progress.
Do you find it amusing to toy with me?
Thank you, and goodbye my dear sir.
(Dedicated to someone. I could say their name as they don’t come here (despite having the link.) but I won’t. I’ll at least show THEM respect despite the fact they show me none.)
(Btw, fuck you person. fuck you fuck you fuck you. I despise you and love you with every fiber of my being. fuck you.)
Laughing, Laughing…
Lies and words hidden behind closed doors.
I wonder, how long it took you to realize this?
How many failed attempts?
I’m so sorry, my heart seems to be failing.
Stick that back into me, it doesn’t seem to hurt.
Everyone else said it hurt… funny how it doesn’t.
Perhaps that’s just my lack of a drive.
Stop me if you think, I’m just completely lacking.
Then again, why must I ask you? I already know this to be true.
It’s funny, how often our predicaments seem to make us laugh like schoolchildren.
Let’s go behind the school, and do what they all do.
He’ll show me, and you’ll show him.
Kneeling down, gravel in our knees.
Getting caught, that’s not in our minds. Not in the least.
I don’t love you, I really don’t. I’m afraid that it’s possible I’m utterly incapable of such a feeling. Could you foward me a letter on what it feels like?
Wandering out, late at night.
Give me a buck, give me a dime, for all the times I got asked why.
I’m not too sure, I’m really not, on what exactly it’s meant too do.
(Most of these are very…aherm. dirty? I suppose that’s the best word. I don’t know. raunchy? =| Hm.)
I’m sorry for the punch to the face.
It wasn’t really accident…
But indeed, I am sorry.
You shouldn’t act surprised.
I didn’t really mean it, although you did deserve it.
So please, please, stop that crying. I honestly wish you’d stop.
You’re so handsome, so honestly good. Make no mistake.
But really, really, idiocy has no place within in these walls. You expect sympathy, when I tell you straight out there’s no point in doing what you do.
I’m really not a violent person, you know this to be true.
I’m sorry, perhaps it’s the lack of passion in my life.
You’re not a very good teacher you know.
Not a good one at all.
You hear my celibate cries, and continue to do nothing.
Are you really that deaf? I didn’t even go near your ears, you know.
(lalala. frustration. yay. boo.)
I want you so badly.
Can I just have you?
It’s just for one night - like taking a single breath.
It’s funny, I can barely stand your presence…
Yet here I am, the one who’s the beggar.
Kneeling down behind fog-stained glass, surely it’ll leave behind imprints.
Not that you care, you never have, so why is it such a big deal?
I’m not quite sure where you’re coming from, what is it that you want from me?
I’m not exactly a veteran you know, contrary to what I say. Please teach me, as my own mind prevents me from learning it all on my own.
Shyness is not needed here, and yet it still prevails, why can’t I just win this battle here and now?
I’m not quite sure what to do with anything, it all feels so awkward.
I know it’s serious, I’ll try to stop laughing. But honestly, what did you expect?
My, my, my, my, my, it’s so serious. I never knew how much so.
Oh my my my my my….
I’m sure you wish to kill me, for all this. I’m quite sorry, I’ll make sure to send flowers the next day.
Just let me have this last touch.
(More frustration. blah blah blah.)
Gentle kisses, gently placed on the back of your neck.
You wonder why, you wonder why…
Did you ever stop to think…
Did you ever stop to think…
That perhaps, perhaps, I stopped to wonder as well?
So caught up, in the things we do. My hands rushing over yours,
I don’t know when to stop, you don’t stop to tell me.
What should I do? It’s not easy you know…
A lack of communication, ias I place my hands on you.
A twitch, obviously that’s not wanted.
No words, so I guess it’s okay.
Sexuality runs rampant across us both,
Erotic faces pulled out of our closets, it’s amusing and sad.
Is it really my face you imagine as my hands roam your body?
(Hm. Hm Hm Hm.)
and that’s it. xD Newest to oldest, btw.
I’m thinking about going by something else. Not my real name. I don’t…I don’t like it. it’s too plain. and, too many bad memories attached to it, I guess is the best way of putting it.
I might go by Skip. Duo once told me that was my nickname when I was little, when I asked. Hm.
Yea, I like Skip. I’ma start having people call me that. =|
I just wanna start anew in the city.
Blah.
