Stuff that needs to get out of me.
First up,
my mother.
It’s too the point…I really…just…don’t WANT one. I’ve spent 14, almost 15 years without on really, and the times when I did ‘have’ one, were pretty damn horrible. =| I just really, don’t WANT one. I see no point in it, and whenever someone tries to be my ‘mommy’ it only ends up with me crying. And I hate that. That’s not how it’s supposed to be…
So, I just…I don’t…I don’t want a mother, a mom, or anything. I’ve never had one, so why should I start now?
Don’t get me wrong, I love Traci… but, it’s a love based on the fact she gave birth to me and I’m grateful for it. But…I don’t feel anything more.
Is that a bad thing? I don’t even know anymore.
My sexuality.
I consider myself asexual now. I really despise people in general as of late. Nobody has anything even mildly interesting to say, and what they do manage to spew out is well, nothing interesting. I made friends, yes, but they are boring beyond belief, and yes they are nice.
But I really do not like them.
Kayla, just reminds me of Emma all over again, (despite saying she’s a cooler version. Yea, okay. You do the same exact shit she used to do. So spare me.)
I do not like my teachers, or the people I go to school with. I lie between my teeth when asked if I like Larkin and everyone.
I do not like anyone.
My faith in humanity and people has dropped so low, I don’t even know WHY.
People just suck.
Career wise?
I want to start a band. It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do, but my faith in my vocals has always kept me back, despite the fact I (or at least I like to think anyway) write pretty decent lyrics.
But the Smiths/Morrissey have once more inspired me to do so. I plan on working on that once we get into the city (which is soon, because Duo got us an apartment.)
More then likely, over the summer. 
…and even after that rant I still feel pretty shitty. I honestly hope this all just goes away. I’m not sleeping good. I just want to constantly be asleep because I’m just so tired all of the time. And at night when I do lay down to sleep, it takes me like, another hour just laying there to fall asleep.
I really just wanna lie down and not get up…:(
-Skip
Duo
Sweety,
I’ve been exactly where you are now. About 10 years ago. I suppose in some ways, its better and worse that it’s happening to you earlier than it did with me.
Better, because you wont wind up bitter in your full adulthood, and worse, because you are still finding out who you are, and what you are.
But, take heart: while I have dealt with, and been there through all the shit, I can tell you it’s easy to be jaded…it takes a bit of bravery to not allow yourself to be consumed by it.
I nearly was, and youve seen what it did to me. Use me as an example of what not to do. =)
blaez
hey, been following Duo’s blog for a while now and ran across yours.
All those feelings and emotions you have towards your mother, I know exactly how you feel. Thankfully my Father raised me from the time I was about 5 years.
It’s sad our Mothers aren’t what they are/were suppose to be to us. But we can live a happy life and be the people *WE* need to be and not let them interfere or make us unhappy or upset.
*IF* you ever talk to her via phone or inperson and she starts doing things/sayings that that upset you or hurt you and cause you to want to scream/yell at her. Just calmly say “Mother, I can not talk to right now. I’m getting upset. I’ll talk to you later” and hang up the phone. Or walk away. If she tries to call you back, just ignore the phone. Turn off the ringer. Go to a peaceful place in your house/the area and just think peaceful thoughts and take deep breaths until you feel the emotions passing.
Probly nothing you wanna hear from a complete stranger, but they. I see a kindred spirit and someone maybe that I can help boost your day, I’m gonna give it a shot.