I’m…going….fucking…insane.
I’m seriously starting to question my sanity. I can barely walk straight. Hell I can barely even think straight.
I don’t want to go to school, I started crying in the bathroom because of that.
There’s NO REASON FOR ME FEELING THIS WAY.
it makes me feel horrible because Duo is doing his best, and we’re stable and everything. but I just…I don’t…I don’t know anymore. I just want to lay down and not get back up. i know it’s not like me at all…
but I don’t even know anymore. I just don’t want to do anything.
I’m scared.
I’ve gotta go get my shoes and socks on now.
-Selphie.
So,
we’re moved in.
I have my own room!
yay.
and I am really happy…
but…
I don’t know, I still feel…
sad.
I know I shouldn’t be, and it pisses me off that I am.
I SHOULD NOT BE SAD.
I still have insomnia. I want to sleep, I feel tired, but I just can’t get to sleep.
I’m starting to think I’m going to need sleep medication, or antidepressants or SOMETHING.
I want to be better, I really do. I don’t want people worrying about me, trying to make me feel better.
I really don’t have anything to be sad about…
but, I don’t know. It’s so hard to describe…
anyway.
I have had it with my mother.
As far as I’m concerned,
she gave birth to me. That’s all.
I.do.not.want.her.in.my.fucking.life.
Maybe we’ll have a magical “movie-moment!” and make up years for now.
But really, I could care less if we do.
I don’t SEE her as a mother. I look at her, and I don’t think, “yea, that’s my mom.” I think, “why exactly am I here?”
I just, I just…
I don’t see her as a mother. For years and years I tried to convince myself that yea, she was my mom, she’d always be there for me.
Because I thought I had too.
but now, I just can’t…
I just can’t see myself and say, “yea, I have a mom.”
=|
blah.
I’m gonna go try and get to sleep.
I do love my new room though.
