I have been labeled a lot of things. From emo…to rocker… to freak.
Quite frankly, the whole thing is just stupid. In my head. The fighting between labels, everything.
“Oh fuck you, you’re a fucking emo. You’re a trendy fuck. You copied punk/goth/etc whatever! you fucking suck. you shop at hottopic”
Oh fuck you. You damn right I shop at fucking Hottopic. I fucking like their clothes dickwad. I have every right to wear what *I* want to wear. If I though wearing a potato sack looked cool, I’d wear a fucking potato sack. But I don’t, and even if everyone else in the world thought it was, I wouldn’t, because it’s a fucking potato sack.
But I do like the emo style of clothing, and I am going to wear the clothing. I am going to wear eyeliner and bright eyeshadow.
It’s called, FEELING GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. It’s called BEING CONFIDENT.
Fuck you, I could give two shits less about your ‘punk agenda’. Punk is dead as far as I’m concerned. Emo is too. Every single one of your subcultures sucks and you know it. Nothing can be orginal. So stop being a fuckface and saying, “Oh I’m a true punk/emo/goth. Not like those fuckin poser fakes. fuck them!”
You’re not. You’re not original no matter what you fucking say and you know it. Knock off the superior attitude. You’re a dumbass. I’m not going to deny that I can look emo at times. I wear skinny pants, I wear eyeliner. My hair is very short and choppy and has a habit of being parted to one side.
I am also one of the most perverted, social people in my group of friends. They call me emo and I laugh and flip them off.
I’m not emo. I’m not TRYING to be emo. I’m wearing clothes I fucking like. Just because you don’t have the balls to do so doesn’t mean you need to bitch at me about my clothing choices.
Fuck you and all of your stereotypical bullshit.
I honestly cannot fathom why people are so insecure in themselves at times.
Fucking christ, wear what you want to wear, style your stupid hair how you wanna style it.
But don’t knock other people for what they wear. I think high waisted pants are ridiculous but I don’t say shit to people, because they obviously like wearing them. Who am I to judge?
So once again, fuck all you ‘emos’ and ‘punks’ and ‘goths’.
You wanna be original?
go wear a fucking potato sack.
First words out of my mouth as I excited school today after work:
“SON OF A COCK NUGGET IT’S SNOWING. WHAT THE FUCK.”
I.hate.chicago.weather.
In other news, we had a lockdown today at school. Dunno why. Bet they were doing a drug search or something. Ahaha
In other other news, I have decided that, instead of a boyfriend, I am going to find a girlfriend.
I am sick of dick. As in, boys. Don’t get me wrong, I still find them attractive. but, I’m tired of dating their stupid asses. I’m BORED. AS HELL.
I spent the entire day daydreaming about the perfect girl to date.
I’ve always felt secure in my sexuality. I find girls attractive.
The odd thing about it though, is that, I’ve never felt…restinance. My friends don’t care. My dad sure as hell doesn’t give a shit.
Well, my mom does. She seems on a mission to convince herself, and me that I am not bisexual.
“Oh, you have to like one or the other!”
“Psh, you’re not bisexual. You’ve been dating guys a lot. You’re not bisexual.”
So, if I date a lot of girls, does that make me a full on lesbian?
Personally, I don’t give a shit WHAT’S between your legs. Sex is sex, and at the end of the day you get off. whatever.
anyway, that’s all really.
I’m done with guys for a bit.
First off.
Dear Chick who said I have crap plastered all over my face,
I am deeply sorry that your mommy and daddy choose not to let you take part in ’self-expression’.
However, my daddy does. So kindly fuck off. I will wear what make -up I want to wear. And at that, I do not wear a lot of make up as is. I usually wear eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara and lipgloss.
I do not do a cakeface. I can’t even be arsed half the time to put on the mineral powder crap.
I take pride in my eyeshadow, fuckface. I think it’s pretty and colorful.Just because you choose to be bland, and boring does not mean I have to be! I take great pride in BEING MY OWN PERSON.
So next time you feel my make up is ‘too loud’ or too much ‘crap on my face’, please, tell me more to my face so I may ignore it in the order with which it is recieved.
Thank you,
Selphie 
Dear N,
Look, you’re my friend. You’re a complete fuckin jackass, but you’re still a friend.
But look.
You are a complete fucking creepy jackass.
and I mean creepy.
Who the hell goes up to a girl, and says, “So, you gonna suck [her boyfriend’s name]’s dick?”
Uh, wtf? Creepy much? Seriously? and you WONDER WHY YOU CAN’T GET A GIRLFRIEND.
Being perverted for ‘laughs’ is a fine art that I take part in. Stop fucking it up and being creepy, fuckface. Otherwise I will be the one throwing the insults towards you and I can guarantee you will be crying like the little bitch you can be.
Thanks! See you at lunch!
Selphie
Dear Lunch Lady at ASM,
Hiiii, I’m the girl with the rainbow clip in my hair! I’m bisexual and daaammnn proud of it!
And I agree with my friend that, in my opinion, all humans are inherently bisexual deep down inside.
Because at the end of day in my opinion, human beings are sexual little fuckers, and if we stripped away all the excess, we really wouldn’t give two shits who we fucked.
My opinion!
But you know what? Don’t care if someone’s offended by it! So, if you happen to be offended by it - that’s great! Don’t try to TELL me what to say or not to say! Ohh, I understand, you was just tryin’ be diplomatic, huh? Some people might be offended by me stating my opinion, huh?
Well! I’m just darn offended by people telling me, “Well! you’re going to hell for wanting to have sex with women!”
But you know, psh, what does THAT matter? I’m offended by people calling me a boy because I have the balls to cut my hair short, (which btw, I look more feminine then girls with LONG hair so uh, fuck off.).
But no, me stating my own personal opinion about something, you know that might actually be true when you just get down to the nitty and gritty.
Well gosh darn it! That just ain’t RIGHT now is it?
Well, fuck you Ms. Lunch Lady. If you’re so uncomfortable in your own sexuality well! I am indeeeeeed sorry.
But really, I could give two shits less. It just further proves my point.
Thanks, and btw, the grilled cheese looked nasty. Cookies were good though.
Selphie
Dear Guy in Line who wanted to pop one of my balloons.
No, dickwad. You cannot. They are MY balloons. I do not even KNOW your dumbass.
You’re lucky I didn’t know you. Because if I had, instead of the polite, “No..sorry.” you got I would’ve said, “No, fuck off dipshit.” like every one of my friends got.
And, may I ask, are you the kind gentleman that said, “Psh, wouldn’t let a black man pop her balloon.”
Uh, wtf? NO ONE, IS GOING, TO POP MY MOTHERFUCKING BALLOONS. I fucking like balloons, I do not want them to pop.
I kicked, my motherfucking ex-boyfriend in the shin, because the fucker tried to pop it.
Do not pull the stupid race card on me jackass. They are my balloons, I don’t even KNOW you, so no, I’m not gonna let you pop my balloon.
Fuck off, and leave my balloons ALONE.
Thank you!
Selphie
Incidentally, I actually managed to get through a lunch period without my balloons popping. I hurt my toe in the process (by kicking above ex-boyfriend in the shins. Stupid mofo.) but goddamn it, I am so sick and tired of those fuckers trying to pop them, or popping them on ‘accident’.
Fuuucckkkk aalll yaaaaa”lllllllss.
kay?
Other then that, my day went fine for the most part. Wrote a really good poem at ASM.
and now, I am thirsty so I must depart.
bye.
Selphie
So before go I go to the more annoying frustrating bits, let’s start off nice, shall we?
I got to pick my courses for Junior year today. Three AP classes, one Honors. Drama, French I, and Speech. My alternates are Creative Writing, and AP Env. Science.
Pretty good in my eyes. I’m just completely thrilled I’m going to be in Drama.
Rather silly for me to go to college for Drama if I didn’t take anything Drama-related in high school!
So that part of my day went by spiffy doo da.
But I am really getting ticked off at this girl, who, I thought, was at least just a friend. But I am increasingly getting pissed off because she really is just a bitch. And she honestly doesn’t give a shit about people. While I make fun of my friends, and tell them they suck, I usually immediatly afterwards tell them, no you do not suck, I love you guysss.
She’s just a bitch who takes enjoyment out of making fun of me. From my eyeshadow (calling me a clown? Huh, funny, because, it used to be, you didn’t really wear different color eyeshadows until *I* did. So please, fucking spare me.), to just my general attitude and what I say. I used to get along with her fairly well, but now, because she has decided to just be a complete bitch, if she says one goddamn word to me tomorrow that pisses me off, I am going to tell her to shut up, and not speak to me.
I suppose the breaking point of this was the fact she found it fucking goddamn hilarious I was suicidal and self-harming in middle school.
No actually, it’s not fucking funny. It’s not funny when a person feels at a complete lost, and like a complete fucking outcast because people can act incredibly cruel and strike where it hurts the most. It is not funny, that I would come home and cry until I fell asleep, or that I would come home and break things.
That’s not funny, and you’re being a complete FUCKSTICK for saying it is.
So fuck you very much.
Anyway.
I didn’t mention it, but I did have a boyfriend for about two months. We broke up in January. Duo didn’t really like him, and I can somewhat see why. He was rather insecure in the way he handled things, and he had a tendency of being a baby.
But I miss him.
Part of it is jealousy. I miss the joking around he did with me that he now does with other girls.
I miss the way we’d talk on the phone about nothing in particular, but we’d still manage to laugh our asses off.
I miss walking home from his house, sharing gummy worms that are pretty frozen by the time we get to the last one.
I know that even if we DID get back together, it wouldn’t last forever. But still, I do miss being with him a lot. and there’s not a lot of guys I’d particularly wish to date at Senn.
But I have done a lot of thinking about it. We rushed into our relationship very quickly, a mistake on both our parts. And it was entirely his fault either. I’m not good at expressing myself sometimes, and being someone who is very… protective of herself, I don’t like to share what I’m thinking, lest what others think.
(I know, it sounds weird coming from me.)
So when I wanted space to myself, I didn’t make that known, and I suppose that caused friction.
It’s not entirely either of our faults. But at the same time, I don’t want to ask him to go back out with me because of the way I handled the break up. I did it stupidly, and it probably seemed a bit harsh. Then again, I was ticked off during the time. I should’ve thought more throughly.
But I meditated a bit, and I read the Tarot (I needed to practice -anyway-.) and it lead me to some very pointed conclusions.
1) I shouldn’t go back with him just because I’m jealous and I want to fulfill my own personal vendetta/justice.
2) At the same time, I DO want to get back together with him. But just take it slower. And give us each our own space while still supporting each other.
Of course, this will likely not to go to plan, because in my mind I do not look at relationships like most teenagers. My entire life I have seen relationships go awry and as such I have always taken a different stance on them.
I have a very analytical mind when it comes to relationships. I despise the way high school romances act. But the emotional side of me longs for it, in an effort to seem normal. I feel like I’m missing out on something.
In any event, I’ll take it as it comes. You never know what will happen the next day, or the day after that.
It’s funny that my friends all come to me for relationship help, and yet I am just as blind as them. It’s funny how certain people seem more grown up then others, but they’re really just as lost as the others lol.
C’est La Vie!
Happy V-day btw.
-Selphie
