Killing cliche's as fast as you invent them.

So before go I go to the more annoying frustrating bits, let’s start off nice, shall we?

I got to pick my courses for Junior year today. Three AP classes, one Honors. Drama, French  I, and Speech. My alternates are Creative Writing, and AP Env. Science.

Pretty good in my eyes. I’m just completely thrilled I’m going to be in Drama.

Rather silly for me to go to college for Drama if I didn’t take anything Drama-related in high school!

So that part of my day went by spiffy doo da.

But I am really getting ticked off at this girl, who, I thought, was at least just a friend. But I am increasingly getting pissed off because she really is just a bitch. And she honestly doesn’t give a shit about people. While I make fun of my friends, and tell them they suck, I usually immediatly afterwards tell them, no you do not suck, I love you guysss.

She’s just a bitch who takes enjoyment out of making fun of me. From my eyeshadow (calling me a clown? Huh, funny, because, it used to be, you didn’t really wear different color eyeshadows until *I* did. So please, fucking spare me.), to just my general attitude and what I say.  I used to get along with her fairly well, but now, because she has decided to just be a complete bitch, if she says one goddamn word to me tomorrow that pisses me off, I am going to tell her to shut up, and not speak to me.

I suppose the breaking point of this was the fact she found it fucking goddamn hilarious I was suicidal and self-harming in middle school.

No actually, it’s not fucking funny. It’s not funny when a person feels at a complete lost, and like a complete fucking outcast because people can act incredibly cruel and strike where it hurts the most. It is not funny, that I would come home and cry until I fell asleep, or that I would come home and break things.

That’s not funny, and you’re being a complete FUCKSTICK for saying it is.

So fuck you very much.

Anyway.

I didn’t mention it, but I did have a boyfriend for about two months. We broke up in January. Duo didn’t really like him, and I can somewhat see why. He was rather insecure in the way he handled things, and he had a tendency of being a baby.

But I miss him.

Part of it is jealousy. I miss the joking around he did with me that he now does with other girls.

I miss the way we’d talk on the phone about nothing in particular, but we’d still manage to laugh our asses off.

I miss walking home from his house, sharing gummy worms that are pretty frozen by the time we get to the last one.

I know that even if we DID get back together, it wouldn’t last forever. But still, I do miss being with him a lot. and there’s not a lot of guys I’d particularly wish to date at Senn.

But I have done a lot of thinking about it. We rushed into our relationship very quickly, a mistake on both our parts. And it was entirely his fault either. I’m not good at expressing myself sometimes, and being someone who is very… protective of herself, I don’t like to share what I’m thinking, lest what others think.

(I know, it sounds weird coming from me.)

So when I wanted space to myself, I didn’t make that known, and I suppose that caused friction.

It’s not entirely either of our faults. But at the same time, I don’t want to ask him to go back out with me because of the way I handled the break up. I did it stupidly, and it probably seemed a bit harsh. Then again, I was ticked off during the time. I should’ve thought more throughly.

But I meditated a bit, and I read the Tarot (I needed to practice -anyway-.) and it lead me to some very pointed conclusions.

1) I shouldn’t go back with him just because I’m jealous and I want to fulfill my own personal vendetta/justice.
2) At the same time, I DO want to get back together with him. But just take it slower. And give us each our own space while still supporting each other.

Of course, this will likely not to go to plan, because in my mind I do not look at relationships like most teenagers. My entire life I have seen relationships go awry and as such I have always taken a different stance on them.

I have a very analytical mind when it comes to relationships. I despise the way high school romances act. But the emotional side of me longs for it, in an effort to seem normal. I feel like I’m missing out on something.

In any event, I’ll take it as it comes. You never know what will happen the next day, or the day after that.

It’s funny that my friends all come to me for relationship help, and yet I am just as blind as them. It’s funny how certain people seem more grown up then others, but they’re really just as lost as the others lol.

C’est La Vie!

Happy V-day btw.

-Selphie

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 at 9:16 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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