Fuck it.
=D
Oh, and yes, I have already, gotten into a fight with someone on Gaia, (in the GD), about it.
Hopefully, something good will happen today.
It’s amazing how one little thing, can make me feel like utter crap the rest of the day.
Alright, remeber Mr. D?
Yea.
….
kljdfkljdafjklg I hate myself right now. I hate myself for liking him, and not thinking straight.
Yea, so, I was sharpening my pencil, and he was talking to some other teacher and he said something like, “My girlfriend works there.” or something like that, it doesn’t matter.
ANYWAY,
Yea. He has a girlfriend. And silly me, didn’t even think of that.
WTF IS UP WITH US MCCRAKENS JUST…BLINDLY LOVING? It pisses me off. So much.
So, now I hate Valentine’s Day. So Much.
In fact, the only reason why I like it is, cause
Valentines Day + Gaia = Valentines Event = Items.
Yay.
Oh joy.
OH FUCKING JOY.
>.<
Oh, and and…
When I told Ms. Wirth that I couldn’t get a ride to the library, cause we don’t have a car and whatnot.
I could tell she was annoyed, despite the fact she said, “I know.”
Yea, okay. Bitch. Be annoyed. Not our damn fault we have no car. Not our damn fault life sucks for us right now. STFU. Don’t get on MY back because I couldn’t get some stupid fucking book WE MUST HAVE!
Oh, and, I’m most likely going to get a bad grade(Actually, no grade at all. Explanition coming.) for my magazine article, thus making my group get a worse grade.
Alright, first off, I DID do the damn thing. But, at the time, my computer was screwy and I wasn’t able to save it to the Y drive, and therefor printing it on my teachers computer.
Now, the other Sara, who’s all you know, “LOLICANUSETEHCOMPUTARS” said she’d print it out for me.
….
She never gave it to me.
So, now, I get a bad grade.
Yay.
YAY YAY YAY.
I feel so fucking HAPPY. Don’t you? DON’T YA?
Yea.
I’m incredibly pissed. Just about everything.
>.<
The one (sorta) good thing that happened today, is that I kinda made a friend, Diffy (or something like that), I’m gonna ask her for her e-mail tomorrow. I can’t sit with her an Caitlin at lunch, cause their in orchestra and they have to eat with the 7th graders, (although, they sometimes don’t on Fridays.), but yea….
*sighs* …>.>
-Selph
Neh, school’s been going okay, I guess. Don’t talk much, just kinda…go through teh motions.
The only good thing? (And I am SO kicking myself in the ASS right now.)
My Science/Political Cartoons teacher.
kljdf;dfjkld
YES, THAT’S RIGHT. SELPHIE IS EXPERIENCING HER FIRST TEACHER CRUSH.
JKLDFJKLDFJKKLJKJLDFGLKJDFL
Okay, first off, I’m just gonna call him Mr.D. Kays?
Anyways, first off, yea he IS kinda cute. But, that’s not really why I like. (It’s part of the reason! Just not all of it.)
He’s really nice.
Srsly. Cause, I mean…for the most part, like I said - I don’t talk. I just kinda…sit there and think - which usually make me look really upset at times, (Most of the time I’m just a little upset. =P), so he’ll occasionally be all,
“Are you okay, Sara?”
“Are you having a good day?”
and it, just…makes me feel really happy that at least ONE of my teachers notices.
The others are just all
“JHSDHJDHJGFJKDFJKLSA SHUSH. HIGH SCHOOL. BLAH. STFUS. LISTEN! KLJDFJKLDFKLJDGKJLD”
Don’t get me wrong! He talks about High School and stuff too, but it’s just…weird.
He’s more caring in my opinion.
And funnier too. He makes lotsa jokes. Like today, when a few of us were revieing our study review thing, (the rest of the class was outside of the classroom FINISHING the damn thing), he was saying stuff super fast and then when he said the answer he’d say them in a funny voice.
x3
He also apparently plays the guitar.
So, yea, that’s pretty much the only reason why I look foward to going to school. It’s rare that I actually ever LIKE a teacher. (The only others being Ms. Benzinger, my preschool teacher, and Ms. Rea, my old TAG teacher.)
Anyways, I’m out.
~_~
-Selph.
I really don’t want to go to school. I feel…so out of place.
And, I just get the feeling…I’m not going to be making any real friends.
Yea, duo and my grandma say I will.
No, I won’t. Trust me. If you were in my shoes, you’d get the same feeling.
I might not sit alone at lunch time, but I might as well be.
I haven’t had actual friends in practically a year now. I’m so frikking lonely.
I miss Emma, and Katherine….hell, even Jeff.
Casey might’ve sucked, but at least I had some fun. Here…I’m just…going through the motions. Maybe it will get better in High School. I hope it does. Because right now, I feel like crap. I really, don’t want to go to school. But, I have too. I already have to go to Summer School, and I don’t want to be held back.
But, I’m just so lonely.
*sighs* Alright, I need to go finish packing up my crap. I also need to eat something…
Byes.
-Selphie.
I’m…slowly…going crazy.
I really need Photoshop.
Or something.
I don’t care. I really want to make a banner.
BUT I CAN’T.
sjksgjksgjk
And there is no way in HELL, am I using GIMP.
I HATE GIMP.
IT NEEDS…TO…FUCKING…DIE.
SLOWLY.
>_____________<
Other then that, I’m spiffy.
Just, working with Aya on KO and stuff. Can’t wait until or website gets up.
~_^
-Selph.
Well, I’m gonna get a kitty. Soon, hopefully. We need to get everything…sorted out in the apartment and stuff, but then…>w<
I get a kitty~~!
I might need a little help at first, getting food n’ stuff like that. But, after I start babysitting, I should have the money to get food on my own, (I can always get it from Dollar General or wherever it is we get dog food for Ike, if they have dog food, they should have cat food.).
Even if I have to spend all my baby-sitting money on my kitten, I don’t care. Cause, it’d be my own pet. You know? I’ve never had a pet of my own. Yea, I had Cuddles, but she was never my pet really, she was Greg’s.
I had that bird when I was in like, Kindergarten I think, but…I dun remeber him much. (…now that I think of it, he’s still buried at the old house in Genoa. xD)
I had Muffin, the kitten my mom got me. But, I only got to see him once, cause the next time I visited my mom, he was dead. >.>
But, this kitten is gonna be with me until we’re both very old. I’ll even bring her/him to college with meh.
Anyway, so yea, I’ve just been watching T.V. and looking up on how to take care of a kitten, (Besides just feeding it and stuff. And even at that, I’ve been looking up at what kind of food I should give it. (Dry food, if I remeber correctly, with lots of protein and stuff. Canned food is better for adult cats, but even then, they might not eat it as much if they’re used to dry food.)
But yea, the main things I need,
are, a litter box, a catbed, a cheap scratching post, and I can always make some toys for her/him, (the site I’ve been looking at has some good ideas.)
They also suggest making a a small little ‘room’, (a safe room), so the kitten can go and relax and stuff. I dunno where I can put that at…but I’ll figure that out later. It’s gonna be a month or so I think before i get said cat, (wish it was sooner….>.>;;).
But yea, the site I’ve been looking at is really helpful. It tells how to “gentle” train a kitten, and how to kitten proof the house, (One helpful thing, is to get Bitter Apple, and lemon (I think), spray or something, and spray it in places you don’t want the kitten to go - the cats dislike the scent.)
It also has lists of good scratching posts/toys/litter boxes/ect. to get. It even lists cheap ones and stuff.
But yea, it’s really helpful and I’m learning quite a lot.
Anyways~~~! I’m out.
-Selph.
Okay, well, this has been building for a while….
Okay, first off, Rival has a dog. Ike to be specific.
Ike is a very hyper dog, and when Rival goes to work, (Hell, even when he’s still HERE, which I’ll get into later.), I have to take care of the damn dog.
It’s not that I don’t like Ike, hell, I love him to death. He’s adorable.
AT THE SAME TIME, …Rival does crap. Yea, he plays with him, and disciplines him for the most part.
But, like the other day, when I was TRYING TO WATCH THE STAND, Ike needed to go out, as he was pacing around and scratching at the door.
…Rival sat at his computer, and watched T.V.
…Guess who took Ike out? Then was forced to sit and wait for him to finish eating so he wouldn’t get into the trash.
Yea.
I feel selfish thinking like this, because, Duo has to take care of Grandma, and he’ll be working soon, and Rival has to work too.
It’s really the least I can do.
But, I mean, at the same time, Ike is NOT my dog. If he was, first off, he’d be way more calm, especially because Duo would help me train him.
Secondly, I’d be happier to do it because he’d BE MY DOG. It’d be MY RESPONSIBILITY. I don’t mind taking care of Ike when Rival’s at work - who else would?
But, I mean, when Rival’s home, the least he could do is let him out. Jesus, I’m stuck with the dog all day, it’d be nice to…not be near him for five minutes.
Maybe this is selfish, but the dog is driving me fucking nuts. He gets into the trash, I whack him a few times. HE DOES IT AGAIN. He barks at stupid things, he paces around. He doesn’t know when to lay down and quit being a dumbass.
AND I HAVE TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HIM ALL DAY.
>_______________<
Other thing annoying me:
Okay, I love Rival, he’s my uncle and he’s cool and all that.
…
What I do not like, is
1) Being constantly fucking teased. Yea, occasional teasing is fine. But constant mockings, and hittings? No. I am not a guy for christ’s sake - I don’t like being hit.
And who the hell likes being mocked 24/7?
2) …CONSTANTLY HEARING ABOUT HIS STORY/LOST PLANET/AND ANY GAME HE’S LOOKING FORWARD TOO.
His story is great, fantastic. But, it just doesn’t interest me. It’s not my type of story. Just like some people don’t like romance - I don’t particuraly like…whatever genre his story is. I don’t want to tell him this because then he’ll get all huffy and be like, “…Whatever.” and be all pissy.
Just like he did when I said Lost Planet didn’t interest me.
IT’S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT IT DOESN’T INTEREST ME.
I LIKE RPGS. I LIKE RPGS FOR A REASON. I DON’T PARTICULARLY LIKE SHOOTING GAMES.
Hell, I’m still wondering what draws me into Halo.
But, I mean…he just got all pissy when I said LP didn’t interest me, when he said he and n00b were beating the crap out of the other people or something.
Maybe he doesn’t get that I am a different person then he. I don’t LIKE the same things he does. Some things, yes. But not all. I don’t mind him sharing things with me, but constantly…doing…it.
>________<
I also don’t like it when he points at things over my shoulder at my computer and constantly asks about things.
…Which is why, I’m going to stop doing it to Duo.
Cause JESUS PHLOOEY.
>_< Maybe I'm just going crazy cause I have to share a room with him.
Oh well…I’m sure it’ll all pass.
Hopefully. >_______________<
Mmm, my new story. Posted it on Gaia. People like it. They want me to write more. I have written a little bit more.
Bleh.
PROLOGUE:
————–
Ghosts, ghosts that haunted her.
She shivered, making sure her blanket was pulled securely around her thin body.
“You ready to eat?”
She glanced up, her eyes wide in fear.
“Calm down…” the nurse stated softly, before looking back at the younger nurse behind her.
She only knew the one nurse, Nurse Hetchuson. The other one was new, yes. So she didn’t know her.
“She tends to get frightened easily, poor thing. Doesn’t speak much, either. Although she spoke quite a lot when she first got here…- though that was more screamin’ then anything.” Nurse Hetchuson clicked her tongue sympathetically, “Now she just sits there, shivering. Wonder what she thinks about…”
I bet you do… she thought, But, if you knew, your head would explode, I bet…
“What’s her name?” the younger, newer, nurse asked, handing over a steaming bowl of soup.
“Clara Jechtson. Open up, sweetie.”
Clara obediently opened her mouth and let the hot soup slide down her throat, it warmed her a little bit. But, she still shivered.
“Wasn’t she in the papers?” The nurse asked curiously, “Wasn’t she framed for all those horrible murders?”
“Ayuh.” the elder nurse nodded and set the bowl down and looked at the younger nurse, “But, and this is just between you and me, I don’t think she did it…” she nodded firmly before picking up the bowl and resumed her careful feeding of Clara.
They were gone now, and she was alone.
She was sitting next to her barred window, the moon looking down at her, it’s white light making her look even paler.
She didn’t like the moon.
The door opened and she looked over, fear rising up into her chest like it had done so many times before.
“It’s alright Ms. Clara, it’s just me, Nurse Deidre…”
It was the nurse from earlier, her form barely visible in what little light that had managed to seep in.
Clara shivered, and nodded slightly, “R-right…” she said softly.
Deidre slowly walked up, her clipboard in hand, “I’m only checking up on you…” she said softly, “After that you can go back to sleep, okay?”
Clara looked at her wearily, “I don’t sleep…” she mumbled.
“Why not?”
She shrugged, “What’s the point of sleeping? I sleep, I get haunted, I stay awake - I am still forced to endure the constant hauntings of the ghosts.” she pulled her blanket closer around her.
“I…”
“Do you want to hear my story? Please say you do, I want to get it out of me.”
Deidre paused for a moment before speaking, “A-alright, just let me go put up my clipboard, okay? Then I’ll be right back…” the young nurse quickly left, leaving Clara to sit and think over her decision.
“…Is this the right thing to do?” she whispered, looking up at the moon, “She seems like the right person to tell…and I’m so tired. I need to tell someone before I can go to sleep again…” she gave a soft sigh just as the door opened and Deidre re-entered, a sweater clutched in her hands.
“Alright,” she said softly, pulling up a chair, “I’m ready…” she sat down, and wiped her sweaty palms on her lap, then pulled her sweater on.
Clara nodded and looked over at her, then began to speak.
“My name…is Clara, I’m 34 years old…and, I’m so very tired, Ms. Deidre. I’ve never told anyone my story before, no one had the sense to listen…but you-” she pointed a weak finger at the younger woman, “You seem like the right person, the type of person who listens, and doesn’t just hear things.”
And so, began the story Deidre never thought she’d be able to hear…
CHAPTER ONE:
——-
All the people I ever loved, or liked…all my friends, family.
They’re all dead.
I am not ashamed to say that they were killed by own hand. But, do know this Ms. Deidre - it may have been my hand that killed them - but it was not my will.
Do you understand that? You do? Good, because otherwise I’d have to tell you to leave.
My story begins when I was seventeen.
Young…carefree…
And pregnant.
Yes, I was going to have a child at the ripe age of 17.
My parents were understanding - as I expected them to be, as they had had me when they were seventeen.
Despite my eagerness at the fact I was to be a mother, there was still an uneasy feeling about the child that was growing within me.
But, the feeling of love that a soon-to-be-mother has, overpowered the uneasiness, until it was far too late.
Part of this uneasiness I’m sure came from the fact I didn’t know who the father was. So far as I knew, I was still a virgin, but this did not bother me - as I said before, the feeling of love I had overpowered and doubts in my mind.
Yes, I was such a foolish young girl, and I regret deeply on not acting upon my gut feelings.
It was a rainy day when I told them, I had just gotten home from school and my mother had just set the table and was pulling dinner out of the oven.
“I’ve got news.” I said, taking off my coat and hanging it up.
I had actually found out I was to have a child a week earlier, but fear had kept it back until now.
“Really?” my mother said, not really paying attention as she diced tomatoes for the salad, “Well, tell us after dinner, alright sweetheart?”
“But mom-” I protested, sitting down, my fists clenched, “It’s rather important.”
“If it’s important, don’t you think your father should be here as well?”
I sighed, knowing she was right, but still wanting to tell her. To tell anyone.
After dinner, as we all sat in the living room, my mother reading, my father watching the news, (I was sitting in the old rocking chair, my fingers shaking.)
“Momma, Daddy…”
They both glanced up, looking at me expectantly.
“I-I’m pregnant.”
They looked at me, surprise etched over their faces.
And then, they immediately began to hug me, kiss me,
“Oh sweetie, how did it happen?”
I couldn’t answer, because I didn’t know.
“Do you still love me?” I asked timidly.
They nodded, and both hugged me tightly…and I began to cry out of happiness.
And so, I was allowed to continue living at home. We had always had a spare room, and it had always been used for when we had guests stay the night. Together, my mother and I began to slowly redo it into a nursery. Things went along well, until about my third month of pregnancy.
And that’s when the dreams began to happen.
Oh, what I’m saying, they weren’t dreams.
They were nightmares. Nightmares that had me waking up in the dead of night, screaming for help.
A man would be standing in front of me, a large smile on his face, (and now as I’m remembering - he reminded me of the Cheshire Cat.).
“Care to dance, mother?” he’d ask, that same smile etched on his face.
I’d shake my head, “Why’d you call me mother?” I’d inquire, covering my belly protectively.
“Don’t you know?” he’d say, inching closer to me, “Mother?”
I’d shake my head, stepping back as he got closer, and closer…
“Really mother, you’re smarter then that…”
By then, he’d be right in front of me, and I could smell him…an ugly smell that I can still smell even now.
He’d reach a hand out, and lightly touch my belly, all the while still smiling that horrible smile…
“Can’t you see it, mother dearest?”
I’d stand there, shivering,
“I’m your lovely child…”
I’d scream, because I didn’t want this…this man to be my child. Maybe, it was his smile…a smile that made me cringe.
He’d smack me, and I’d fall, weeping.
He’d lean down next to me and whisper, “Do as I wish, mother…be my link to the world until I am born. Kill all who oppose me, those who are not…pure.”
I’d stare at him, horrified.
“Why me…?”
He’d laugh, and lay on a hand on my shoulder, “Why not you? Do as I say, I’d rather not force you…”
…and so, I’d awake, crying and screaming.
And in the end, I did nothing. Why should I? They were simply dreams, and they’d pass in time.
Or so, I thought…and hoped.
END CHAPTER 1
Good? Leave commentos, plzkthnx.
Shey’s gone. Forever. I’m glad. Me and Duo are living with Grandma and Uncle. Yay.
Hrm, been working on character designs for Duo and I’s MMO. =D Fun, fun.
Got FFXII. Mmm, Balthier. =D Thank god he is not a pervert. I’d have to bitchslap myself.
SELPHIE’S LIST OF PERVERTS SHE LIKES:
Dr. Frank-n-Furter
Kisuke
Jiriaya
Shigure
That’s all I can think of…>.>;
Grandma got me lots new art supplies. I <3 them.
And now, a closing picture offff, <%image(20070101-fuckyeahgirls.gif|100|70|FUCK YEA GIRLZ!)%>
of something.
but it’s funny.
FUCK. YEA. GIRLZ!
Off to IRC~!
-Selph
There are things, no one can change. Time travel is as of yet, impossible. You cannot change your mistakes- only learn from them.
I’m angry at life, I’m angry at a lot of things. I’m confused, yes. But, I will stand by my father in his time of need. I will not abandon him like so many others have.
I’m scared for the future, yes, but I can’t change what I don’t know. Just like I can’t change what has already happened.
I do know everything will be alright, I just do.
I’m angry at Shey. Maybe it’s not my place to be, but I am. I can’t help it. Duo needs someone right now, and she goes to Jacksonville. I understand that she needs tim to think and such, but to me…it just feels like when life gets rough…she runs away.
Maybe it’s not my place to say that, but, I just had too.
On my way to school, I though. A lot. I’m terrified, confused, mad. But I won’t let these feelings get in the way. I’ll move on, and if the others lag behind, I’ll jog back and pick them up and carry them. I won’t let our clan disperse. I just won’t, goddammit. I have to be strong, and I will.
This won’t make sense most likely, but I don’t care. The point is, I’m gonna get us through this. I can, and I will. I’m my father’s fianna. The fianna fought for their villages, and I will fight for my clan. Period.
In happy news, I get pizza tonight. Yum.
-Selphie.
Emma broke up with Andrew.
And yea, I’m glad, cause if she hadn’t, I would’ve told her straight out, “break up with him or I’ll kick your ass - DON’T LAUGH!”
…Don’t look at me like that! I have a valid reason for saying that,
and that is,
the dude’s crazy.
He shaved her name on the back of his head.
Yea. No. I’m sorry.
>.<
…not that it particularly matters cause she likes Shaun, and who likes her back, or something. So, yea. On to happier subjects…
We’re going to teh farm for Thanksgiving. Yays. I like turkeeeeyy~~
I can’t wait for the Solstice, =D, I’ll prolly be getting FFXII then, from Kevin.
Dis ish my list for this year,
1. .hack//SIGN
2. .hack//GU
3. .hack//MUTATION
4. FMA series/or the EVA series.
I can wait for DoC, X-Play -did- give it a bad review =X I could also use some new memory cards, but those can wait too.=D
Tomorrow ABC’s airing the America Music awards, (or something like that.), so I’ll be watching that cause >.> <.< Fall Out Boy's gonna perform, x3 Yaaaay~~
I’m gonna go get somefin to eat nows, byeee!
-Selph
