Sooo, report card pick up day is this week. I honestly can’t wait for my dad to meet my teachers.
Here they are: (and my ~commentary~)
Ms. Abrahman (or wtfever) Algebra.
I finally figured out what PISSES me off the most about her.
She can’t hear, she doesn’t pay attention, she’s rude.
…And she’s fucking PATRONIZING. Even when she’s ‘nice’. It’s this patronizing condescending nice, and it fucking drives me crazy. fuck off if you’re not going to do something worthwhile and actually you know, TEACH. I sit RIGHT infront of her and when she asks what the answer is, I will repeat it. loudly. FIVE FUCKING TIMES.
and she CAN’T.HEAR.IT.
She seems to think she has a friend in me, and that’s only because I have you know, MANNERS. Personally I can’t stand the fucking bitch. She CONSTANTLY comes over to me, while I’m DOING MY WORK. Takes my paper, looks at it, then looks at me….AND TELLS ME TO WORK.
I CAN’T. YOU HAVE MY PAPER YOU MORON. I CAN’T DO MY WORK IF YOU HAVE MY PAPER.
One time, I turned the page in my binder, so I could do some scratch work, (once again, I repeat, I SIT RIGHT INFRONT OF HER.) She tells me to stop drawing and work.
WTF.
SERIOUSLY. And you know, if I need help, I’LL ASK. STOP ASKING ME IF I NEED HELP EVERY FIVE SECONDS. That’s another problem you have and why people hate you.
YOU DON’T LEAVE US THE HELL ALONE. WE ARE DOING OUR WORK. NOW FUCK OFF.
Ms. Y - Drivers Ed/P.E.
I remember….the good ole days…when you could just dress for P.E… participate the best you can… and you got an A.
…wait that was last year!!
THEN HOW THE HELL DO YOU JUST TURN THE TABLES??
and how the FUCK can you grade someone based on their PHYSICAL PROWESS. I know I’m not athletic, I don’t try to hide it. I’m not overweight, or anything, and sports have never interested me either.
YET, BECAUSE OF THE STUPID FITNESS TESTS, I HAVE A FRIKKIN F IN P.E
SRSLY.
I dressed EVERYDAY.
I PLAYED STUPID VOLLEYBALL.
WTF.
Sorrrrryyyy, I’m not good at running, or doing pull-ups. But you know what? SOME OF THE FITNESS STUFF I NEVER GOT TO DO.
Oh! and I DID my sit ups. I got like, an A or a B on that.
BUT YOU JUST SKIPPED MY SQUAD. YOU NEVER ASKED US FOR WHAT WE GOT.
…WTF.
NO REALLY, DO YOU HAVE ALZHEIMERS??
I don’t particularly mind her in Driver’s Ed. She scares me, sure. but I’m a ‘good’ student in her eyes, so I never get in trouble. Hell, I was absent a couple of days, and didn’t have my homework. Normally, to anyone else she would’ve bit their heads off and told them that was no excuse, call the P.E office.
She just told me to go ahead and sit down and do work. no yelling.
That scared the hell outta me.
Division - Dr. C
Meet my Div teacher:
only with a bun on her head.
and yes, I am fucking serious.
She looks like Roz from Monster’s Inc.
and guess what? She’s a bitch like her too! Luckily I only have her for 15 minutes.
Hey! Guess what Ms.C! FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT BITCH BITCH BITCH.
I don’t ever swear at you Dr. C, but god DAMN. STFU already. We are teenagers in the 21st century living in Chicago.
We.are.going.to.swear. Granted, we shouldn’t swear at you. and I don’t. but damn. stfu already.
Also, quit locking people out of the damn room. that just pisses them off and *gasp* makes them pound on the door! That’s great, they’re late. IT HAPPENS. Locking them out because you want to be a little pissant does nothing. Just creates more ruckus you moron.
Also, OMNOMNOMNOM. I’M IN UR CLASSROOM CHEWIN MAH GUM. Surprised you haven’t caught me yet!!
3rd period - Mr. San and Mr. D.
Mr. San - you scare me. 
I’m sry, but you seem really strict. D: I mean, you also seem really cool. but you still scare me. sry.
Mr. D- you is awesome. plz be to staying forever.
Chemistry isn’t my best subject, but you know, I do my best and I do have a B in right now so I mean, I’m pleased. could be worse. Math and me don’t do good together, so i’m proud of myself for having a B in a science/math course that’s intended for juniors.
4th Period - Music, Ms. B.
Haaay you’re cool. whatevs. You’re nice to me. i hate singing, but I mean, it’s cool
5th Period - Mr. S. Computer Tech.
’sup dude. even tho you’re kinda…annoying sometimes and sometimes like you know, over my shoulder too much. you’re an OK guy.
also. HAHAHAHA I CAN TYPE FASTER THEN YOU SUCKAAAAA.
6th period - LUNCH LOL.
I’ll use this to say,
A) I broke up with my boyfriend. 
no biggie.
B) I don’t like Jake. we’re friends, but he’s also an asshole.
C) I like this other kid in my lunch who’s fucking hilarious and on Thursday slammed a condom down onto the table and then left laughing.
awesome.
7th period - Mr. Garlic Us History (that’s not his real name, but you’ll see why I call him that.)
You’re awesome!!! One of my favorite classes. Sorry if I talk too much. Both like, to my friends, and you know, answering questions wise. I dun wanna come off as a smart-alec.
also, as to why that one essay wasn’t finished.
IT’S BECAUSE OF THAT ONE SENTENCE. I spent like, the ENTIRE PERIOD TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU SAW WRONG WITH THAT SENTENCE. I AM OCD LIKE THAT. To this DAY I find the sentence just fine, but I just ended up getting rid of it so I could move out of the damn intro paragraph!!!!
but still, you’re cool. you flipped me off once which made me lol.
Also, I’m on to you. I know you’re a damn vampire Mr. GARLIC yea that’s right. But it’s cool. you’re lucky I like vampires.
…BUT JUST ADMIT IT ALREADY!!!
8th Period - Ms. D American Lit.
Ms. D you’re awesome. I’m sorry everyone is always rude to you, but I like you a lot and you’re a good teacher. 
also.
I finished Buried Onions already.
so yeah.
those are my teachers.
I find it vagualy ironic, that in Dekalb, I had straight A’s. and in Dekalb, I was a helluva lot more busy. I had anime club every tuesday (of which I was a big part of.), we had actual dances (we only have homecoming here at Senn.) and I was a lot more willing to go hang out with my friends.
and then I come to Senn, where I don’t have a lot of clubs, and spend most of my time on my schoolwork. and yet I have a C in Algebra and an F in P.E.
WTF. You know, my teacher at Dekalb for my math, was awesome. he explained things, he was nice, I had no trouble at all learning with him.
and then Ms. A comes along and just. URHG. it’s frustrating beyond belief. It makes me NOT want to do the damn work. I do, but it just…urgh it’s hard to explain.
as for the F in P.E, I think my teacher is smokin crack yo.
I mean, we had fitness tests in P.E but Pater never held it AGAINST us. it was more along the lines of “okay let’s see how to improve.) hell, I rarely ‘participated’ in P.E, I just kinda stood there occasionally attempting to kick the ball, really just standing there and making dirty jokes and snarky comments and he STILL gave me an A.
maybe he thought I was funny.
“OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. EARMUFFS.”
“WOW. He actually did it!!!”
so, like, I have a new boyfriend.
he’s really short, and compared to me, really quiet.
and I can already see it is not going to end good for him.
It seems I date people who are in awe of me. God knows why they are, but they seem intent on pleasing my every need and it annoys the everlasting shiiiittt outta me. I want a guy to ARGUE with me and poke fun at me. I don’t want a guy who agrees with EVERYTHING I say. It’s frustrating to say the least. Don’t get me wrong, Joe seems nice, but I can’t see myself with him for very long. It’s infuriating to say the least. Am I really THAT intimidating? I don’t see what’s so great about dating me. I don’t like answering the phone, I’m loud and obnoxious and half the time I get bored in a realitionship and start ignoring things. I do not see the appeal here people.
I have a feeling, once I am older I am going to gain a reputation as one who has many lovers. Because I CAN’T settle down. Staying with one person is as foreign to me as cleaning my room. (HAHA. a joke.) I don’t know HOW people do it really, and people who try when they know it’s useless are complete fucktards who need to learn to move on. Don’t get me wrong, there ARE realitionships that work. Duo and Seraph for instance. that lesbian couple that were the first to marry in Cali. but like, my mom and Tom for instance. THAT RELATIONSHIP ISN’T BLOODY WORKING.
why bother staying?! move on for chrissakes. Human beings are SOCIAL CREATURES. we are all narcisstic bastards and we might as well embrace it. My mother is a complete fucktard in that instance. “we have problems and we’re working on them.” FOR THE PAST…HOW MANY YEARS? Honestly.
I truely see why now, why my dad has told me I am going to be a heartbreaker.
staying in one realitionship for my whole life, sounds quite annoying and frustrating.
and for that matter, I have yet to cry when I break up with an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. if anything I am relieved.
and that, my friends, is why boys have cooties.
I am so fucking sick and tired of my fucking mother.
I swear to god she is fucking going through a mid life crisis. or I don’t know. she’s just gone fucking insane.
I fucking.hate.her.
(WARNING: CAPS LOCK=CRUISE CONTROL)
I CANNOT FUCKING STAND HER.
As I’m sure anyone who knows me, knows that I support a local band from Chicago called Dot Dot Dot. well, okay. Mom took me to see them at Summerfest. blah blah blah. spiffy keen.
BUT MOTHER, YOU ARE NOT FUCKING 15 YEARS OLD. YOU HAVE FUCKING RESPONSIBILITIES.
YOU FUCKING BITCH. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TREAT THEM LIKE THEIR SOME FUCKING TOY? YOU THINK IT’S FUCKING GAMES AND SHIT. YOU’RE 38 YEARS OLD. YEA IT’S GREAT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME EVERY NOW AND THEN.
WHEN YOU HAVE THE MONEY AND STABILITY TO FUCKING DO SO.
YOU LACK THEM BOTH.
AND YET, YET, YOU CAN FIND THE FUCKING TIME AND MONEY TO GO FUCKING ROCKFORD?? AND OF COURSE, NO, SARA CAN’T COME LOL. TOO MUCH GAS LOL.
WTF.
WTF.
THEN DON’T WASTE ANY OF THE FUCKING GAS.
QUIT FUCKING COMPETING WITH ME YOU FUCKING WHORE.
THIS IS NOT A REPEAT OF YOUR FUCKING WRESTLING GROUPIE DAYS YOU BITCH.
I WILL NOT FUCKING LET YOU CHEAPEN THIS SHIT. THAT BAND AND THE MEMBERS IN IT MEAN A LOT TO ME, AND IT’S JUST A FUCKING SKIPPY DO DAH FOR YOU.
YEA, IT’S FUCKING GREAT. I KNOW, THEY HAVE A LARGE FANBASE.
BUT YOU KNOW FUCKING WHAT? MOST OF THEM HAVE FUCKING BRAINS. NONE OF THEM, NOT EVEN THE DRUNK ONES YELL “TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!”
NONE OF THEM TELL THEIR 15-YEAR OLD DAUGHTER THEY’D BONE ADAM. ESPECIALLY KNOWING THEIR DAUGHTER LIKES HIM.
SERIOUSLY, ARE YOUR NEURONS NOT FUNCTIONING PROPERLY?
IT WAS MY THING.
AND YOU FUCKING STOLE IT AWAY AND NOW YOU STAND TRIUMPHANTLY ON IT, AS YOU BEAT IT TO SHIT WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.
THANKS A FUCKTON.
I FUCKING HATE YOU. I CAN’T STAND YOU. I DIDN’T WANT THIS TO END UP THIS WAY.
BUT I CANNOT FUCKING STAND YOUR STUPID BULLSHIT, AND THE WAY YOU FUCKING USE PEOPLE.
I’M NOT STUPID. I KNOW IN YOUR LITTLE BRAIN YOU THINK THAT YOU WILL GET YOUR DOSE OF FAME BY BEFRIENDING THEM.
FUCK THAT.
IF I WANT TO BE FAMOUS I’LL DO IT BY MYSELF, NOT USING OTHERS AS MY STEPPING STOOL.
IT HAS NOT BROUGHT US TOGETHER, QUIT FUCKING SUGAR COATING SHIT.
god damn it. I have never been so pissed off at someone in my entire LIFE.
uhsfffffffffffffffffff I plan on sending her a message detailing how much she fucking sucks and why.
but that’ll be tomorrow. If I sent one tonight it’d be curses-laden and bitchy and that’s not good.
fucking god dammit. I cannot stand her.
So, okay. I’ve FINALLY, (FINALLY I tell you!) have decided WTF I wanna do.
and it’s acting.
Ever since I was little I’ve always pretended. I remember the first time after I watched the first bubblegum crisis episode, I went outside to play and forced my friends to reanact the first scene. Second grade I absolutely loved playing Maria in our play. I took on about, 4 different parts in the 8th grade Drama Club play. I’ve always recreated scenes from my favorite movies, (hell today I was pretending to be Peter Carlisle from Blackpool. :O)
Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. but, for one thing, I have
A) Never even FINISHED an actual story. =|
B) I get bored with it too easily.
C) Combining the above, nothing ever gets finished.
I might be good at it, but it doesn’t give me the same thrill that acting does.
I wanna be able to be in movies, and be a star. I know, cliche, but it’s true. I don’t want to be just in plays, (although, I will give credit that it was the begining.), I wanna be in movies. I wanna star alongside some of the people who inspire me to act, (I give big credit to David Tennant for that.)
but how does I do’s this, lol?
It’s a frustrating path, and I know it’s not gonna happen overnight. There’s going to be auditions after auditions.
But how do I FIND said auditions?
I don’t know if I should join an agency, and get an agent. Do I continue persueing Craigslist? Good luck with me on that, I have yet to find something that wants someone my age. most of the actress spots are for 18+
and I have 3 years to go, bucko.
I don’t want to do anything cliche, like do my own youtube broadcast! and you know, PRAY TO GOD IT GET’S NOTICED. I wouldn’t mind doing short films however. But vlogging? That’s gay as hell.
I don’t even care if I’m paid at first.
I suppose I sound desperate, and like every other young aspiring actress. but, it’s…just, something I desperatly want to do.
I watch movies, and I watch T.V shows, and I just feel…hurt almost that I’m not doing that as well.
I could really give a shit less about the fame. I just love the acting.
and really, if the silly little girls over at Disney can become famous, then I see no reason why the hell I can’t do what I love. (and one really wonders if they really enjoy what they do. but, who’s to say? I don’t know! but really, I do dislike Disney stars with a passion..=|)
(although, I do like Ashley Tisdale. she’s pretty.)
(ho hum!)
in any event, this shit does not come with a manual, (nothing ever does! :|), so it’s a bit frustrating for me.
ehhhhhhhhh.
oh also, Ivan? he can go suck cock.
and Sunday will be my 7th Dot Dot Dot show.
I guess that proves I have no life…
-Selphie,
Sooo, I’ve been feeling way better.
I actually, have um, a boyfriend. Haha.
He’s really sweet. I love hims lots.
I think he may actually be coming over on Friday to spend the night, (*coughs*) cause we’ve been wanting to go out to the movies or something, but we both have no money, so then I remebered - OH! We have an air popcorn popper!
So I said, we could spend the night eating popcorn and watching movies. I am so clever!!
My friends are pretty cool. April is intent on making out with me. Some of them can be a bit, annoying. Like Racheal and Jen. The two will NOT STOP FUCKING ARGUEING. Jesus CHRIST.
I don’t blame Jen as much tho. She tries to ignore Racheal and whatnot, but Racheal will just NOT leave it alone. >.<
as for the rest of school. it sucks so fucking horribly. I don’t even want to get into my grades and shit. basically, I’ll have to take an entire semester over again next year.
Oh, and today in 8th period (World Studies, aka the class where NOTHING, and I do mean, NOTHING, gets done.), the woman teacher whatever her name is, (she’s fucking annoying tho. She rides a scooter, for what I can see, because she’s fat as fuck. It makes me want to punch her in the face. I’m sure she’s one of the FUCKERS who take the wheelchair thingys at Walmart, when people like my GRANDMOTHER, actually NEEEDEDDDD them. but I digress.)
Now this woman is annoying as hell, and as far as I can tell, VERY old-fashioned, so I cut her a little slack, cause she can’t help how she was raised.
But come on. She was talking to me about my grade and whatnot, and what to do. and all of sudden she goes, “Oh, and you should take that thing out of your lip.” (aka my lip ring.)
WTF.
I fucking HATE it. HATE IT. when people tell me that shit. “Oh you’re such a pretty girl! you don’t need that!”
IT’S A FUCKING TINY PIECE OF METAL IN MY LIP.
how the FUCK does that detract from me being pretty? Quite frankly, my boyfriend thinks its quite hot. So really, you fucksticks, if *I* think I look fucking pretty with it, and my boyfriend thinks I look pretty with it. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND?
I’m sorry, but that’s just fucking annoying. It’s MY body, and I’ll do with it what I damn please.
“Ohhh, I know I shouldn’t be saying anything.”
DAMN RIGHT YOU SHOULDN’T BE YOU DUMB BROAD.
Christ.
It’s a SMALL piece of metal in my lip. it’s not like it’s this huge thing.
and this woman wonders why our class hates her.
as for why they hate Mr.N, I have no idea. he’s nice, albiet, creepy nice. but still. he tries…
-skip
I’m…going….fucking…insane.
I’m seriously starting to question my sanity. I can barely walk straight. Hell I can barely even think straight.
I don’t want to go to school, I started crying in the bathroom because of that.
There’s NO REASON FOR ME FEELING THIS WAY.
it makes me feel horrible because Duo is doing his best, and we’re stable and everything. but I just…I don’t…I don’t know anymore. I just want to lay down and not get back up. i know it’s not like me at all…
but I don’t even know anymore. I just don’t want to do anything.
I’m scared.
I’ve gotta go get my shoes and socks on now.
-Selphie.
So,
we’re moved in.
I have my own room!
yay.
and I am really happy…
but…
I don’t know, I still feel…
sad.
I know I shouldn’t be, and it pisses me off that I am.
I SHOULD NOT BE SAD.
I still have insomnia. I want to sleep, I feel tired, but I just can’t get to sleep.
I’m starting to think I’m going to need sleep medication, or antidepressants or SOMETHING.
I want to be better, I really do. I don’t want people worrying about me, trying to make me feel better.
I really don’t have anything to be sad about…
but, I don’t know. It’s so hard to describe…
anyway.
I have had it with my mother.
As far as I’m concerned,
she gave birth to me. That’s all.
I.do.not.want.her.in.my.fucking.life.
Maybe we’ll have a magical “movie-moment!” and make up years for now.
But really, I could care less if we do.
I don’t SEE her as a mother. I look at her, and I don’t think, “yea, that’s my mom.” I think, “why exactly am I here?”
I just, I just…
I don’t see her as a mother. For years and years I tried to convince myself that yea, she was my mom, she’d always be there for me.
Because I thought I had too.
but now, I just can’t…
I just can’t see myself and say, “yea, I have a mom.”
=|
blah.
I’m gonna go try and get to sleep.
I do love my new room though.
First up,
my mother.
It’s too the point…I really…just…don’t WANT one. I’ve spent 14, almost 15 years without on really, and the times when I did ‘have’ one, were pretty damn horrible. =| I just really, don’t WANT one. I see no point in it, and whenever someone tries to be my ‘mommy’ it only ends up with me crying. And I hate that. That’s not how it’s supposed to be…
So, I just…I don’t…I don’t want a mother, a mom, or anything. I’ve never had one, so why should I start now?
Don’t get me wrong, I love Traci… but, it’s a love based on the fact she gave birth to me and I’m grateful for it. But…I don’t feel anything more.
Is that a bad thing? I don’t even know anymore.
My sexuality.
I consider myself asexual now. I really despise people in general as of late. Nobody has anything even mildly interesting to say, and what they do manage to spew out is well, nothing interesting. I made friends, yes, but they are boring beyond belief, and yes they are nice.
But I really do not like them.
Kayla, just reminds me of Emma all over again, (despite saying she’s a cooler version. Yea, okay. You do the same exact shit she used to do. So spare me.)
I do not like my teachers, or the people I go to school with. I lie between my teeth when asked if I like Larkin and everyone.
I do not like anyone.
My faith in humanity and people has dropped so low, I don’t even know WHY.
People just suck.
Career wise?
I want to start a band. It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do, but my faith in my vocals has always kept me back, despite the fact I (or at least I like to think anyway) write pretty decent lyrics.
But the Smiths/Morrissey have once more inspired me to do so. I plan on working on that once we get into the city (which is soon, because Duo got us an apartment.)
More then likely, over the summer.
…and even after that rant I still feel pretty shitty. I honestly hope this all just goes away. I’m not sleeping good. I just want to constantly be asleep because I’m just so tired all of the time. And at night when I do lay down to sleep, it takes me like, another hour just laying there to fall asleep.
I really just wanna lie down and not get up…:(
-Skip
so…
I’m not seeing my mother anymore.
I can’t take it anymore. I’m really just sick and tired of talking to her, hearing her excuses, and watching her slowly kill herself.
So, I won’t do it.
anyway.
new song.
(guess what it’s about! =|)
It’s already two in the morning.
And I’m still up..
Isn’t it funny
How you can still make me wonder?
And yet every night…
I cry myself to sleep.
I worry myself to cry.
And yet you still.
Refuse to care…
And it goes on.
Every night…
I wonder dear god why…
It used to go so well…
When I was young.
A trusting child’s hand…
That was mine.
I always said, they’ll come back.
But secretly, I cried myself to sleep, wondering…
Would you really come back?
I forced myself to relive memories, in order to fill
this empty chasm.
And yet every night…
I cry myself to sleep.
I worry myself to cry.
And yet you still.
Refuse to care…
And it goes on.
Every night…
I wonder dear god why…
It’s not so easy!
To be an adult, apparently.
And yet why is it, that everyone says.
I’m the mature one.
It’s not fair! It’s not right!
I only want that thing that’s in the store window…
that all the other children have.
and yet you still, refuse to buy the one thing I want!
You still refuse to care.
And it goes on every night in my tear soaked bed.
You say you care, and I’m sure you do.
But then why do the tears still fall at night?
I haven’t felt this horrible, this depressed, since I was 11.
I don’t even know what’s wrong anymore. I really don’t. I’ve started crying and stopped at least 2 or 3 times already today, I feel as if I have a constant headache, and I…I don’t know.
The school is stupid, as with everyone else.
Jesus fucking christ, don’t take it so personally that I don’t give a flying fuck that you’re picking your dog up and he’s squirming.
Jesus FUCK, could you FUCKSTICKS be a LITTLE BIT MORE DISORGANIZED. IT’S NOT YOUR FUTURE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT.
IT’S MINE. *MINE*. SO PLEASE, FUCKING TRY TO DO YOUR JOB.
even that didn’t help. I feel fidgety. I can’t sit still, I don’t WANT to sit still. But at the same time I just want to lay down and not move ever again.
It’s incredibly hard to find old movies on bittorrent. I was searching for Leather Boys on Isohunt and I all I got was fucking pornos.
fuck fuck fuck.
oh and when my mom and I went to Hottopic I asked the guy there if they had any Smiths/Morrissey shirts. of course not. I wanted to fucking punch his face in because he acted smug and shit.
PLEASE GTFO AND GET OUT OF THE GENE POOL.
ass.
ALSO, I FUCKING HATE FAKE NAILS. I need to get some acetone ASAP so I can peel these fuckers OFF.
*sigh* oh, I’m becoming a vegetarian. I know, it’s weird. oh well. deal with it. I’m not gonna make a big fuss about it or anything,and yes, I STILL HATE PETA. Their attitude just…completely turns me off.
I’m gonna go make my other can of spaghetti-o’s I think.
yum.
-Skip
